by Doc of District 13

Created on: May 20, 2008

Today I looked into my daughter's big blue eyes and suddenly realized I was looking into the eyes of a young woman not the eyes of a baby I had held so long ago. Almost 11 years old and she will be taking the stage to receive her diploma announcing that she has completed elementary school. It is amazing how a tiny little piece of paper can change ones life so deeply.

In less then one month she will be a middle school student. In less then one month she will no longer be my baby but instead my little lady. In less then one month she will be embarking on her last elementary school summer vacation and after that she will be embarking on the rest of her life. As each day passes my heart bleeds a bit more for those lost days of childhood that have flown by so fast. What ever happened to those days anyhow? How did I miss her growing up? I just cannot come to grips with how she went from a toothless, breastfeeding baby to an independent young woman without me ever noticing.

I look at a photo of her when she was about 3 and think, "Wasn't that just yesterday that I took that photo? How did she change so much?" I find another photo of her wearing her little school themed dress and heading off to her first day of Kindergarten. I remember that day. I was frightened and didn't want to let her go. She was confident and ready to fly. I sat home and cried. She went to school and had a blast. I remember her first tooth falling out. She thought it was cool. I freaked out because it looked so painful. I also remember her first words, her first birthday party, her first booboo, her first smile and her first steps. Now she is prepared to take her first steps toward adulthood. Her first steps into that terrible unknown called modern day society.

I look into her eyes once again as she pushes me away. It is embarrassing to be hugged by her mom in front of her friends. A boy in her class glares at me like I have broken the cardinal rule. I step back, knowing I will all too soon have to step back completely as she goes off with her own husband to start her own family. I cry inside but try to put on a brave face as I step aside, allowing her to mingle with her friends. As the field trip winds down I position my car behind the bus, headed back to Danbury. In my head I think of why I am alone behind a big yellow school bus in Hanover. It is because she wanted to travel with her friends not with her boring and ancient mom. As the bus slows up I press the brake pedal and watch as the kids all wave to Lauralye's mom. A fun and exciting but weird mom according to the kids.

I wave back and begin to cry. Yes, my baby is all grown up now and soon she will be holding a diploma in her hand. A diploma that basically says, "Goodbye mom. I have my own life now." A diploma that brings my daughter's need of me to an abrupt end. No more explaining discrimination, war, love, little birdies and blossoming flowers. She has it all figured out now. No more kissing booboos and administering medicine. She can do it herself. Once again, I am frightened to death and my daughter thinks its cool. If only I had her disposition!

I look at her as she plays with her brother and start thinking about my own life. "My life is half over! Isnt that terrible?!", I blurt out. She turns to me and says, "Thats great mom!" Thinking she didn't hear me I say, "What?! Didn't you hear me? I only have about 56 more years to live!" She looks at me and responds, "I heard you mom and that is good because you have half your life still to live!" I sat and thought about what she said and it occurred to me that maybe I am the one that hasn't grown up yet. Now she is getting her diploma and I honestly cannot say I can think of a better person to deserve one.

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