by Rumbi Chidemo

Created on: May 20, 2008

There was a time when i thought that friendship was just about making friends and staying friends. then as i grew older i found that friendship was a much more complex subject. First and foremost, people define friendship in different ways. To some it is all about knowing each other, going to the same places and enjoying the same things. To others it runs even deeper. While you could be friends because you have the same qualities and interests,you could also easily become enemies if you divert from this norm and start new things.I have been in and out of friendships for most of my life because while I might share the same values with a friend, there is always a chance that my mind will wander and explore new territories, which to some would appear to be a threat to our relationship as I am most likely going to meet and make new friends. So what happens? This friendship ends and we move different ways.

The essence of friendship has got its own tricks. There has to be a mutual understanding between or among friends. An understanding that you are different individuals with different values and goals that are bound to change anytime depending on circumstances. Friendship is like marriage, you have to put in your all, overlook mistakes, tolerate differences, and go through all the twists and turns as a unit. Trust, honesty and reliability come into it as well. jealousy is a passion killer in this relationship. What one does, the other has to know or else the whole thing breaks down. And that is when the friction starts, and that might mean doom to the whole thing. Friends for life have been taking all this into consideration. it is not an easy path but then it is the essence!

There is a lot to put up with and if you are committed then that should not be a problem. I am not sure if the difference between friends and peers is well recognised by many people though.Up until a certain time I used to think they meant the same thing until one day one of my 'friends' introduced me as her peer! Then I vowed to look into the difference and that is when I realised that some people might pursue a relationship thinking it was friendship when it is really not. Which brings me to the point that I want to tackle, that in some friendships, one person might be putting in more than the other without realising that their values are not exactly the same. There is a person you want to be friends with because of who they are, so you will do anything just to be close to them. They might accommodate you and respond in a way that might fool you into believing you have become friends. Then you get really disappointed when you later realise you were just a peer, not a friend. It would be a good thing to be sure of what you want from a friendship before you rush into it . That way you can avoid all the confusion and disappointment that comes with a break-up or breakdown of a friendship. But then again, this is part of what makes up the essence of friendship.

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