by Carol Gioia

Created on: May 20, 2008   Last Updated: January 30, 2011

When a couple seems at odds in their looks, personality or attitudes, often the following questions will be posed by onlookers. "What does she see in him?" or "How can he stand her incessant talking?" The concluding answer is invariably, "Love is blind."

It is time to shatter the myth that "Love is blind."

Infatuation is blind. Attraction can have impaired vision. True love is neither blind nor visually impaired. True love can see into the depths of a heart and soul with clarity and vision beyond compare.

In most cases when mutual attraction is attributed to love being blind, nothing could be further from the truth. Perhaps the involved parties see something in one other not  visible to the rest of the world. True love is receptive to all facets and components of the other person with no qualifying exceptions. Perhaps the lovers are not blind, but rather totally accepting of one another.

When attraction evolves into true love it clears the vision to see deeper than outer attributes. We don't "fall in love" with beauty or handsomeness. We form an "attraction."  Whether the attraction will have staying power is determined by the substance of the relationship.

There is such a fine line between attraction and love that without deep soul searching it would be easy to mistake one for the other. Everyone is intrigued with the "idea" of love. It is not difficult to see how the desire to be in that euphoric state could lead one to mistakenly label a fierce attraction or infatuation as "true love."

This could explain the statistical increase in divorce rates and the high incidence of verbal and physical abuse in relationships.  It is difficult for most people to comprehend  the contradictory statement, "He treats me badly, but I love him." Perhaps it is not love, but rather strong attraction confused with love.

Love is an emotion that evolves over time. First one is attracted, and gradually comes to know the object of affection well and initial infatuation translates into love. Even true and everlasting love occurs in levels and stages over time. There are perhaps rare instances of "love at first sight," however for the majority true love is a growing and maturing process.

The progression of true love:

*  Meet one another and are attracted.

*  Either fall in love over time, or the attraction fades and both move on.

* Get to know each other better and decide to make the relationship permanent.

*  Spend considerable time attempting to change everything about the person loved order to make him/her conform to the "idea" of love.

* The "honeymoon phase" comes to an end.   Weigh the pros and cons of "sticking it out" because the significant other is not going to change. If it is true love, the pros outweigh the cons.

* Accept the true love with all his/her warts and flaws and pray he/she accepts ours.

*  Wake up one day and realize they have been together for many happy years, cannot imagine life without the other, and even love the warts and flaws that go with the whole package.

Infatuation and attraction deny any imperfections. True love embraces them. Love's keen vision does not miss a detail.

"True love is not blind, it merely enables one to see more clearly what others fail to notice." (anonymous)

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