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We like to live in our comfort zones. Comfort zones provide a sense of security and we shouldn't be surprised when our children exhibit the same characteristics. Comfort zones are not a bad thing, they provide the framework we draw from when we need life resources. Change is an inevitable part of life, however, and children need strategies to transition successfully.

A secure home base is the most advantageous situation for our children. If home is stable, the changes in school or social establishments are not so big a threat. Parents who provide stable emotional support for children are supporting a base of strategy for their children.

It's normal and natural for children to look at change as a threat, albeit some children are more adept at change and are wired to be risk takers, but the majority of children like to know where they stand with parents, teachers, peers, and friends at any given time. This is a comfort zone that makes other transitions easier to facilitate.

If a child has borderline grades, the fear of failing a grade produces anxiety and his status in the classroom has the potential for change. A strategy to bring the grades up to par before the end of the school year is needed in this situation. While parents can be a great help, they should allow the child to participate in the strategy so it doesn't become a negative command.

Issuing commands for our children often works in militaristic types of families, but commands are not equivalent to producing strategy. A strategy offers a roadmap on how to proceed from point A to point B. Allowing the children to participate in the plan gives them a voice and they are more willing to buy into the plan and are less likely to become frustrated.

People who work in business understand that in order to succeed at tasks or projects, they need to formulate the steps that lead to their goal. The plan can be simple or complex, but they are able to see the end result. In the same way, children who can see the reward or payback are more tuned in to accomplishing the changes that lead to success.

One common problem with many of our children today is their deep attachment to video games. We know they need more exercise to be healthy and they need to experience more challenges in life than a video game can provide. If we command, or even suggest a healthier lifestyle, we'll encounter intense opposition unless we have something better to offer.

In working through this problem, we might offer or help them secure a part-time job that will produce personal spending money. That's the payback, but what is the incentive to produce more money? As we build a model for strategy, the motivation to accomplish the task must be inherent in the overall plan. Is money better than playing video games? Give your children a reason.

Sometimes commands are necessary in guiding our children, I'm not advocating doing away with rules within a family structure, but teaching them to formulate a plan (transition) to get from A to B in any situation is a life skill that will remain with them all of their lives and it is a form of critical thinking. You do well when you teach your child this life skill.

Learn more about this author, Mona Gallagher.
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