I have just about the nicest job in the world: I sell cinema tickets. Possibly the only bad thing about my job is the uniform. All very well for the tiny girls I work with, but a real squeeze for my fat behind. And low on the hips and not much give. All of which adds up to the fact that I'm pretty sure I show off my underwear every time I bend over. There are lots of security cameras at work, and I just make the effort to give the bosses a laugh, you know: spotty underpants one day, bright red frilly ones the next.
My workmates are a bunch of lovely people. Most of them including the bosses are young enough to be my children. They're always laughing and joking and the customers are pretty much all in a good mood. Who wouldn't be? Movies are fun. Still, there are moments
About 90% of the time my greeting, "Hi, how can I help you?" is answered with "Fine thanks, how are you?" I'm sure people aren't that hard of hearing.
Those who listen often come up with the witty riposte, "Well, maybe you could sell me a ticket to a movie."
Awwwwww. And I wanted to reveal to them secrets of the unknown universe.
All of the sessions at the cinema where I work have allocated seating and I get the most interesting answers when I ask: "Where would you like to sit?"
Those of scintillating intelligence reply: "On my bum." Or: "On a seat." Or: "In the cinema."
Geeee. So I don't get to give them those terrific trapeze spots, hanging by their ankles from the chandeliers. What a shame.
Of course there are the people who come along with 4 year olds and when asked about where they would like to sit, promptly turn to the 4 year old and ask THEM where they would like to sit. This so frustrates me! As if a 4 year old has any idea. In the middle or on the aisle? The 4 year old doesn't even know what an aisle IS and I only asked because if the kid's bladder is as reliable as mine then you're going to want to get out and rush to the toilet just at the most exciting moment but that's okay. You know. If you want to sit in the middle up the back (which is where everyone else is sitting, by the way) then you can have the fun of inconveniencing everyone by shoving past them and missing the good bit of the movie taking the little one on a toilet break.
Movies with MA 15+ or R ratings are always good fun. There's always going to be some kid who wants to buy 7 tickets, for all his mates. Fine, I tell him, no problems. I just need to see 7 IDs. "Are you serious?" I am inevitably asked. "Mate, I have better things to do with my time than make jokes at your expense," I reply. Heh. The customers aren't the only ones with a witty riposte. And no, I will not bend the rules just for you and no, I don't want to talk to your mother.
It sounds mean, but I deliver it with the best good grace that I can, suggest another movie that they might like to see, or tell them to invite their mothers along to see the movie with them (as long as it isn't R rated).
I love the smell of popcorn cooking and the cheerful conversation of my workmates as we catch up on gossip between customers. They all have their secret identities, studying medicine, law, economics. Some still in high school, worried about their exams. Or we talk about up coming movies and movies that we've seen. Oh yeah, we get to see them for free. That's another thing to love about my job. On my days off, I take in a movie to reward myself for doing the grocery shopping or catching up with the housework. I'm greeted by my workmates as I go to get my ticket, and if it isn't busy, we chat for a moment about what I'm seeing.
The customers are sometimes strange and sometimes wonderful. The deaf family, I make sure I face them full on and speak clearly. The family of little people, I make sure they can reach the ATM. The young man with no hands, but stumps so dexterous. Sheer curiosity got to me as I watched him twirl his wallet, pull out his ATM card and punch his numbers into the machine.
"Have you ever worn prostheses?" I asked.
"Yes," he said, "but I had to stop. I kept breaking people's arms."
There was the laughing group of boys from Middle Eastern background who went through their entire gamut of flirty lines on me, a woman the same age as their mothers. "What, you have a daughter? You look to young to have a daughter!" And trained me in the correct replies: "But that shirt looks so great on you!"
There was the square jawed, handsome young man with the Armed Forced ID who came alone and saw not Rambo, which is what I was expecting, but the lamest feelgood chickflick we had on. I wonder what he'd seen in real life that took him into that cinema.
And I have my regulars. There's the old guy who never lines up. And I don't care how many people are waiting, I won't let him line up. This man is a veteran of World War II. He doesn't pay for his cinema tickets and I always give him the best seats in the house and I always make time to chat to him. Then there are the two cops. Cops get in for free too. They show their badges and get a ticket. I have lots of regular customers who are police, but these two always come together and I think it's so sweet and romantic.
Okay, so it's not the sexiest job in the world and it sure isn't the best paid, but I really like my job. Ah, if only I could get them to do something about that uniform.