I don't believe there to be any subject you cannot broach with a teenager, it is just the manner in which you say it that is if the utmost importance. Having once been a teenager myself (although many moons ago) and being the mother of an 18 year old son, it is imperative that one chooses their words very carefully. Timing is also of the utmost importance. NEVER pounce on a teenager. They need time time to coalesce, time to take in the situation, time to come to terms with just about everything. It has taken me the entire teen years to find this out!

I never ask my son about his day until he comes to me with bits and pieces of happenings of the day. Then and only then can you extrapolate on the day's events and who did what to whom and how he reacted, etc. I try, very gingerly, to ask about things that need to be signed and turned in. In doing so I usually will say "Is there anything I need to see today?" More often than not I don't get an immediate answer, but by the end of the evening I usually get what I need from the child. To date (and he has just graduated this Saturday) we have never missed a deadline at school. I keep a calendar of events, notating when interims and report cards are due to be given out in school. I, again, gingerly ask on the day of the event, if there is anything I need to see or sign. Usually this is met with an "Oh yea, got report cards or interims"Luckily for me my son was a great student and had no problem with me seeing and signing the reports.

As for the girlfriend/boyfriend situation I have no idea how to approach that subject without seeming like I am intruding on his privacy. I usually will tip toe around the subject, hinting about certain females, their friends, whom I saw at the mall, etc. until I get a voluntary response from my son. Usually I mark prom and all other dances on my calendar so a few weeks prior I can start with small hints within conversations about flowers, tux rentals, dinner reservations, etc.

I have found it much easier to communicate with my teen by not communicating at all. Usually he will come to me when the time is right and if I observe him to be sad or unresponsive, I will definitely broach the subject through another venue (while watching a TV show, getting dinner ready, driving to the gas station with me usually paying for the gas under the guise of him having to drive me for some reason or another). What can I say parents, tread lightly into this great night! Hopefully the 20's will be better!

Learn more about this author, Judy Zabriskie.
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