by Barry Dewar

Created on: May 19, 2008

Is your wife/partner/very close friend (and you'd have to be pretty close!) expecting a baby? If they are then, as a man, the analytical, practical and unemotional creature that you're told you are. You will probably be wondering what to expect. Well, there's a bit of a problem there.

The typical human pregnancy lasts for approximately 40 weeks. There are various ways of working out your due date but they are pretty much all guessing. Also, no 2 pregnancies are the same, just as no 2 births are the same. In fact, if your partner's pregnancy is a text-book case then this will just serve to give her midwife even more cause for unease.

The truth is that it's going to be stressful and most of that stress comes from not knowing exactly what is going to happen. After all, that's a little person growing inside there and the last thing you want is for something to go wrong. The good news is that, in the vast majority of pregnancies, nothing will. But it still won't be easy.

Having been through it twice now. I am beginning to get an idea of how it works. Neither of my wife's pregnancies or births were the same. Just as neither of my son's were. But in hindsight, I think I can give you expectant fathers what might just amount to some useful tips.

First up. She's having a hard time. She thinks that she's supposed to glow and enjoy pregnancy and motherhood with the ease of mother nature herself effortlessly bringing light into the world every morning. The problem is that it's not that easy. Anyone who is giving the impression of breezing through their pregnancy is just better at hiding the joint pain, the swollen ankles, the sleepless nights, the constant visits to the loo and the heady rush of hormones which she is experiencing just like anyone else.

So, try and make it easy for her. Don't fuss too much because that would ruin the illusion it's easy for her to cope with. Just make sure that you take a bit more initiative around the house. Be a that little bit more sensitive in the bedroom, a few massages will do her the world of good. And take an active part in the planning. it's your life that will be affected as well.

Secondly, and perhaps most important is to learn about what you are letting yourself in for. Read books, surf the net. Find out what needs to go in that legendary bag that must be packed (and don't leave it until 39 weeks to pack it, it's much harder to do at 3AM with the contractions 5 minutes apart). Make sure you know what contractions are. Make sure you understand the pain relief that's being offered (because believe me, 5 hours in you'll be the only able to make any sense of it) and try to find out enough about what your little pink bundle might do when it arrives in order that you are not cowering in a corner afraid to touch in for fear of it breaking. Oh, and don't refer it as 'it', that'd be bad.

Finally, remember that it doesn't last forever. The pregnancy is only 9 months and then within another year she will be back her normal self. If you have to put yourself out then you should do it willingly, it's not forever and, after all, it takes 2 to tango, besides which, when you're asking for a bit of extra sleep 6 months after the birth, you'd better hope that you've built up enough favours.

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