by Teresa Ann Grimes

Created on: May 19, 2008

I wrote about the time I was raped. It was one of the hardest things I had to do, but I did it and many of you responded, via e-mail, wonderfully and supported me which made me feel better about my self then I did in a long while. I won't rehash it, it is in my past and I closed that chapter in my life. This is a secret I wish I never kept to myself and now the guilt is overwhelming for me.

Barry, my husband for ten years, stood by my side when I was raped. He was my crutch, my hero, and my friend through it all. The police treated me as if I did something wrong but time told me otherwise, although Barry was telling me it wasn't all through my ordeal.

That happen to me which seems now like so many years ago. Barry saw the changes in me. I went from the cheery girl next door, to the hide away wife. I never left the house. I was afraid to walk my dog at night. I always went out with friends, for the groceries, or the occasional tea or brunch, but never alone. More and more I secluded myself. I was becoming withdrawn , and Barry stuck by my side through the time I was having. I was now suffering from panic and anxiety but never took drugs for that because I was a firm believer against that. I am also a addictive personality so I feared that taking drugs would only make matters worse in my life. I am not explaining things well these days in my life. Even when people suggest things to me, I feel as if I want to try these things but I know how I am, gullible and obsessive.

Barry told me about the company Christmas party months before. He was a great salesman and finally made me agree to go. I was doing it for him.

The night of the party, Barry offered me some of the table wine. I can't drink because of my personality disorder but he would insist. He told me it would make me feel less stressed during the party. He was only trying to listen me up. I agreed to have one glass, which Barry kept full half the night. I did feel ok, about being at such a crowded party. I had little to no panic and was indeed enjoying myself now.

One by one, Barry's co workers would stop at our table to introduce themselves. I enjoyed that and didn't think I would. I was trying to milk my wineglass but there was Barry, keeping it filled to the rim. I needed to use the restrooms. Barry offered to walk me but I he was now talking to his boss who seated himself next to my husband. I tried to get out of my seat three times before being successful. I was very tipsy.

The restrooms were through double

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