by Willie Mann

Created on: May 18, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

There have been so many articles written and opinions offered on the struggles of single parenthood that I thought it necessary to expound upon an aspect seldom discussed; the role of the single father. I am not referring to the father who is constantly unavailable, or who is unwilling to provide support both emotionally and financially for their children. For these men, I have only contempt, and possibly a little pity as they are so self-serving that they are not even aware of the gifts they have abandoned. Instead, I am referring to the father, who loves his children more than anything in the world, who willingly and lovingly sacrifices his own aspirations and needs to fill those of his children. And who misses, deeply misses his kids when they are not with him. This is the father that I am and therefore, I guess, this is my personal story of parenthood.

My sons were 6 and 7 when they were told the news that Mom and Dad were getting a divorce. I will never forget that sunny, otherwise beautiful summer morning- sitting outside in the back yard and staring at the sad and disbelieving eyes of my boys. As the tears welled up and they looked from one to the other of us, I actually thought, at that moment, it was possible to die of a broken heart and it was me who would die. Me, for allowing this to happen, me for being part of hurting so deeply the two most important people in my life.........my good, normally happy and fun guys. The failure of our marriage was mutual and though I knew this to be true, it did nothing to assuage the tremendous guilt I felt for letting them down.

As in most marriage dissolutions, mine followed the normal course of grief, anger and resentment and the pre court custody bickering. But as I witnessed the effect it was having on the kids, I quickly realized that my wife's and my egos and selfishness were providing further detriment to the boys psyche and we had to, above all else, put them first and our intense differences aside. This was by no means an easy feat but with constant work and the constant thought of the boys well being we were finally able to come to an agreement, with the courts stamp of approval. All monetary possessions, of which there were some but not an access were split right down the middle and custody was granted as " equally shared physical custody", quite a different thing from joint custody which I was not in favor of, as the children always lose being with one parent or the other; more often than not, the father.

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