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Should a child visit a grandparent with Alzheimer's?

My first reaction was absolutely, yes! Then I thought about it, really thought about it. I feel strongly that it depends upon the child. Is the child mature enough for such a visit? Does the child understand the whys of the visit? How does the child feel about visiting?

There are many questions, I think, that need to be asked and answered-before we can know if a child should visit grandparents with debilitating diseases, including Alzheimer. Is the child emotionally developed enough to handle what may come from this visit? Was the child (is the child) particularly close to the grandparent? Will the child be able to understand if the grandparent doesn't remember them? Is there a mutual benefit for the visit? How much do you tell the child before the visit to prepare them for the visit?

I feel that if the child is under ten or 12 years old and has had a very close relationship with this grandparent, this could be a very emotional visit, depending on the progression of the Alzheimer disease. However, if the child has been asking about visiting "Grandpa or Grandma" then is properly prepared for facing the reality of the situation, let them visit.

If neither will have profound memories of the visit, then what is the point? If this is something you want for the grandparent, perhaps you should rethink your position. Your needs in this time of confusion, is not necessarily the need of either the grandparent or the grandchild. An older child may have more understanding of the disease's processes and is more mature about the changes they are bound to see in their grandparent. Again, it all depends upon the relationship between the two before the onset of Alzheimer's.

If the visit is a definite go, I think in preparation for the visit, you (the parties or parents involved) should do some research and study on the disease itself. This may help prepare you to guide your child during the visit, so that there are positive outcomes, once the meeting/visiting is complete. The Internet may have some resources that will aid you prior to the visit.

"Singing with Momma Lou" by Elizabeth Kennedy, is a story about a nine year old child whose grandmother has Alzheimer's. The two were especially close and now she, the nine year old, has to reintroduce herself each visit. She is frustrated with this but is willing to do what she can, to help grandma get her memories back (Retrieved from the WWW on 5/18/2008 from childrensbooks.about.com/od/se nsitiveillness/fr/singingwith. htm). This book is very well-written and has pictures to help with telling the story. If your children are older, you may want to google ("visiting a grandparent with Alzheimer's") and survey the variety of organizations from which you can receive fliers and newsletters, free of charge. See the Internet for more information (www.google.com).

Learn more about this author, Elinda Harrison.
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