by Ted Sherman

Created on: May 18, 2008

We just received the notice this week. My brother's son, the doctor, has announced his daughter's bat mitzvah for a date in October. His family has barely recovered from the young lady's brother's bar mitzvah just a year ago. For the boy, they had somewhat the same needs for funding, scheduling and budgeting as they did for their daughter, except for her it will be considerably more expensive. Girls and gowns inevitably cost more.

Because my nephew's family has a long-standing membership in a local synagogue, the initial planning for their events was fairly simple. They consulted with the rabbi, cantor, events planner and other officials about all required religious segments of the event that take place inside the synagogue. At the same time, it wasn't difficult to set up the social events, because my nephew is a member of a posh country club (well, he's an internist) and all the necessary factors were planned with the help of the club's very efficient staff.

It isn't my intent to snoop, so I don't know about the total costs of my well-to-do nephew's events for his two children, but I know they're substantial. I'm sure the upcoming bat mitzvah expenses will go skyward for the dresses on the honoree, her mother, other female relatives and her line-up of invited schoolgirl friends. For her brother's event last year, his pals didn't need to go out and buy single-event, high-priced clothing.

If your family has a bat mitzvah approaching, start your planning early. Very early. First, there's the necessity to nail down the date with the synagogue and facilities for the social events a year or more in advance. While Jewish religious tradition requires that the bat mitzvah girl celebrate her attainment of her 13th birthday at the appropriate synagogue ceremony. However, in American Jewish culture, and with the cooperation of synagogue officials, the actual date can be any time from her age 12 to 14. The same applies for boys.

For your family, you should use that pre-event time to consider all the elements. Speaking of elements, last year my nephew celebrated his son's bar mitzvah in early March. The event was held in Florida, and many of the invitees lived in New York, Philadelphia and other Eastern seaboard cities. As luck would have it ... bad luck ... there was a major snowstorm in the Northeast and Central states less than 24 hours before the ceremony, causing massive airline cancellations, and about a quarter of the invitees never left their home cities. If you can

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