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I've always heard that "You're only as old as you feel!" Of course, the idiot who said that was only 30 at the time - or lying to those of use who are over 30 - so we can immediately discount anything he said. I've actually never really thought of myself as being particularly old (I'm 65.), but my "friends" keep bringing the subject up and reminding me that I can soon collect Social Security! Oh, that always seems to bring a sick laugh or two, but I've managed to ignore them so far! If nothing else, reaching this point in my life has taught me patience. Every day older I get, they do, too, so I am planning sweet retribution!

You see, I was handling this growing old thing just fine, until I was forced by my wife to go shopping with her one Saturday, and we ended up at Target. She went one way, and I went another, and I discovered a small cafe. Stepping confidently up to the counter, I ordered a cup of coffee. The young man taking my order gazed at me for a moment as if making a decision, smiled when he reached it, and said, with a smirk, "Coffee. Yessir! I guess you must qualify for a Senior cup!"

That's when it hit me: I am old and getting older by the minute! When I can order Senior meals at IHOP and no one "cards" me, I know it's only a matter of time until I'm gumming my oatmeal at the "home" and watching Judge Judy in the afternoons! When I fall asleep in my chair during the first five minutes of "Desperate Housewives", then it's time to hang up the remote! When it takes me three days to mow the yard - with a riding lawn mower, no less - then I need to have the yard paved and give the mower to the little old widow lady (who's a young 80!) across the street! When I meet my wife at Walmart after work and end up in the electronics section looking at massage chairs instead of plasma T.V.'s, then I guess I might as well start going to the Senior Center for decaf and dominoes!

I was O.K. when I hit 30, and the "funny" cards and black balloons at 40 didn't even hurt very much. At 50, I still had my hair (although it was showing a startling amount of gray!) and most of my teeth, so I wasn't nervous at all when the cake they gave me was literally on fire from the depressingly large number of candles! I just laughed along with everyone else, glad I could bring some small measure of joy into their otherwise meaningless lives! When my lovely and loving wife signed me up for an AARP membership, without consulting me first, I was still reasonably perky and optimistic about

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