by A. E. Rivera

Created on: May 18, 2008

The other day a friend of mine stopped by my office to visit with me for a minute. We talked about a lot of different things, to include challenges we have both faced and some relationship failures. During our relationship discussion, she disclosed some things she had never shared with me before. She told me that she hadn't been "lucky" in love; that all she attracted were "losers," and that she didn't feel good about herself. She added that she lacked self-confidence. I was absolutely floored. I mean, here was this woman, a very successful, educated, sophisticated, elegant and beautiful individual, straight up telling me that she didn't feel good about herself, and that she didn't believe in herself.

I asked her, "What is it about you that keeps you from believing in yourself?" She proceeded to tell me.

Countless women from all walks of life and of all ages are just like my friend. They are beautiful, educated, successful, professional women who despite their vast accomplishments have a problem with believing in themselves. They don't believe they are beautiful, intelligent, sensual women who can attract and keep worthwhile men who will love, respect and treat them like queens. They don't believe they are deserving of good and wonderful things. They don't believe because they never learned to love and believe in themselves. Somewhere along the line they received negative messages that were ingrained so deep within their psyches, that it became easier for them to believe the lies than embrace the truths about themselves that stare them dead in the face day in and day out.

I explored with my friend the reasons she felt as she did. She told me that she grew up in a verbally abusive home, where belittling and degrading comments were as much a part of the daily routine as taking a bath and brushing her teeth. She was never good enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, resourceful enough, deserving enough. She was never enough. She grew up hearing daily how defective she was and carried those messages with her into adulthood, where they haunt her every day and distort the image of who she really is. My friend expects very little in terms of intimate relationships, which is more than likely why she attracts losers. She has succeeded professionally because it was her way of demonstrating to the people who hurt her that she was valuable; that she wasn't destined for failure, as they said she was. Hurtful words that left behind deep wounds and scars we can't see because

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>