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If saying no to people stresses you out, then you probably say yes too often. You find yourself saddled with responsibilities that you would rather not have. In fact, you may feel resentful and bitter because you are overwhelmed by the number of tasks on your list. Maybe you are ready to take control of your own time, and make choices about how you spend it.

First, you have to convince yourself that you have no reason to feel guilty. You have the right to say no, and it is a healthy thing to do for yourself. Many people, who say yes when they would rather say no, do so out of the desire to please others. But, no matter how hard you try, you will never please everyone. You can decide, instead, to please yourself. This is the first step toward stress relief.

You need to do some thinking about your priorities and your goals. Put them in writing, so you can refer to them when you feel your resolve weakening. Stick with your own plan. Remember that time spent doing what someone else wants, is time that you will not be able to spend on what is important to you. You have the right to make your own choices.

If you are still having difficulty actually saying no to people, try some of these suggestions:

-Be gentle, but firm. "I'm sorry, but I cannot do this right now." Shake your head slightly as you speak. Your body language supports your words, giving them more power.

-If someone is persistent, restate your answer in a slightly different way." As I said, I do not have the time right now." Do not let yourself be pushed into saying yes.

-Honesty is the best policy. If you are saying no to a family member or a friend, and you want to explain, then be truthful. You will only feel more stressed if you try to make up an elaborate story.

-If you are unsure, you can ask for time to consider a request. This allows you to think it over before you make a decision. "May I sleep on that, and let you know tomorrow?"

-Memorize a few standard statements to use with people you do not know well. "I have another commitment," or "Something has come up that will keep me from helping right now."

Although it may be easier to say yes, it is much easier to live with no. You can walk away, knowing that you have not taken on any unwanted burdens. Once you have gotten the hang of it, you will be amazed at how good it feels. Do not allow others to control your time. Learn to say no.

Learn more about this author, Kathy Downey.
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