Unfortunately, the ability to cope with grief is easier learned as a child than taught as an adult. One of the greatest gifts a parent could give their child is to teach them a lesson on coping with grief. Although at the time I was too young to recall I have heard this story many times and I want to offer it as a demonstration of what I am saying. When I was a toddler I had become quite attached to my bottle and my parents feared how I would handle parting with it. So when the day came that the last nipple broke, they did not try to tell me a story or sugar-coat a lie. My mother stood me in front of the trashcan, placed the bottle in it and said "Baba's gone now. Say goodbye." And I did, "Bye baba." I never tried to retrieve it from the trash; I never cried over it again. It was this lesson that has given me the ability to deal with grief myself and to help those closest to me overcome it as well. Whenever I am troubled with negative emotion I think to myself, "Can I change what's bothering me?" and if the answer is no I must accept it as fact. A fact is a fact, I cannot change it and I will not grieve over it.

Ultimately I feel that parents are responsible for the grieving habits of their children. If you did not learn this from your parents, you must teach it to yourself. Work through each grieving as if it were a mathematical word problem, but keep in mind that this problem may not have a solution. Should you find that this problem of yours does not have any solution, tear it up, throw it away and move on to the next problem. If it does have a solution, fix it. In short, cry, but not too long; analyze, but not in vain; and move on, there will be another day.

But today I have a challenge. This is a simple practice to prepare each and every one of us for the next unexpected. We all possess some item that holds no value to anyone other person than the intrinsic value it holds with ourselves, I know I do. Find this item. Find the one that cannot be fixed and throw it away. Move on. Tomorrow is another day. And tomorrow could carry with it a grievous situation far more difficult to leave behind than most any item you may find. It is impossible to prepare for true grief, but we can practice overcoming the same emotion in a small way. Think of this challenge as a grief vaccine. A common flu shot is merely a small dose of the flu; practice for future encounters with the virus. Instead we are giving ourselves a small dose of grief; practice for future encounters with the emotion.

Learn more about this author, Drew Craver.
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