by Lola Batling

Created on: May 17, 2008

The amazingly decadent 2002 surprising hit film The Secretary gave the general public a look at the BDSM lifestyle. A glamorized look but a look none the less.

This did two things; it made kink a little more socially acceptable and it introduced new people to the lifestyle. Including a bushel full of wannabes and abusive people too.

First you need to look within yourself. Is being a submissive something you really want to do? Can you bend your will to another person's desire twenty-four hours a day? Think about it throughly before you go looking for anything.

Second, you need to ask if true love can exist in any relationship? Yes it can, but often times we seek some idealized love we see in books and movies. In looking for love we often over look the plain and ordinary real love for the exciting and lustful love which often boils down to just sex.

Now let's look at the BDSM relationships. At the core the relationships in BDSM is no different than a normal relationship. It's just structured different. Love, trust, and respect are the foundation of BDSM relationship. People not in the lifestyle see BDSM as just consensual beatings and emotional abuse. So yes, the question of love is often brought up, how can love exist in BDSM?

Simple, in blossoms like the first rose after a long winter. Slowly and carefully, with lots of love and care. Finding a Dominant is something that should be approached with a level head a clear idea of your needs and desires. Your being submissive doesn't mean you have to go about with the first person who claims Dominance. Choose based on your common interests and goals.

Of course in the heat of the moment things can be forgotten. Just as in vanilla (more traditional in comparison) relationships.

A true Dominant is of course hard to find and when you do cherish it. Of course as with the normal dating scene you'll run into your fair share of losers. Just don't let the bad apples spoil your journey into domestic bliss.

As is likewise true with more typical dating, finding a compatible Dominant or submissive is a series of trial and error circumstances that require people to grow and develop. Beneath the veneer of BDSM lies the much more complex dance of human interaction no different than any other. Just because a person exhibits Dominance or submission, means nothing more than devotion in any other sense. Placing that much trust in an individual is the most basic form of love.

So, in that regard, life as a submissive, or even a Dominant, can be considered one of the most fulfilling experiences of love.

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