I am the "nanny" to an eleven month old child whose maternal grandmother has temporary-and soon permanent- custody of him. His father hasn't seen or call about him in nearly two months. His mother has him at least once a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. His grandmother has him by herself maybe once or twice a week. During the days that I watch him while she works, I have him an average of ten hours a day. If I work on Wednesdays, I have him for seventeen to eighteen hours. I have come to know this child better than his own birth parents. They are both allowed to see him at least once a week. But the father chooses not to see him, and now his grandmother has said that she wouldn't allow it if the father decided that he wanted him.

Just yesterday I was watching the child while the grandmother worked. He developed and very high fever. I continuously did what I could to bring the fever down. By the time his grandmother came home, it had went down, but not much. By night time, it had risen back up, and she planned to take him to the emergency room. She called his mother and asked her to come with her to take him. His mother's response: "I'm tired."

This child, by now, has likely forgotten who his father is. His grandfather has taken over that primary male role model in his life. Which he couldn't ask for a better role model. But His mother, he knows very well, and loves her very much. But recently, on the days set aside for her to have him, she sent him back to his grandmother's as soon as possible. Most of the time, when she has him, she has someone that does most of the work, and in my opinion, most of the mothering. I have been told, that I am more of a mother to him that she is.

When children in similar situations are passed around often, they tend to develop a bound with the people who spend the most time with them. In this situation, I spend more waking moments with him than anyone during the week. His grandmother and grandfather are there during the evening and night, and I am there during the day into the evening.

But he knows, just like children in similar situations, that I am not his mother, and neither are his grandmother and grandfather. But he knows that he doesn't spend much bonding time with his actual mother.

Children need that influence in their lives. Who really knows what differences could occur if they grow up without that. He is loved, loved very much by everyone around him. But his home and his life lack stability that everyone -young and old- need. It's not healthy for children to grow up with a life like that.

To children, large and small, parents are people who are in your life daily, who support you, take care of you, love you, and bond with you. Children in a similar situation to the one who I babysit on a daily basis have too many people around them to bound with one particular person in the way that children bound with parents.

This child, when he gets older, will know took the best care of him, who loved him, who spent the most time with him. He will also know who didn't. It is best for the parents as well as the child to be involved early and always. Because it will affect both parents and child.

Learn more about this author, Crystal D. Lowe.
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