by Melissa Bagley

Created on: May 16, 2008

My mother died about four years ago as a result of taking so many drugs for her arthritis that she had had for so long. Though they never actually
diagnosed her with Alzheimer's, many of her symptoms were the same.
Mom forgot each of us one by one. Sometimes she would be herself and then without warning she wouldn't be there anymore. It was especially hard for my little boy who was eight at the time that she really started to get bad.

He couldn't understand why his "Nonie" called him "That Little Boy Over There". It was very sad for all of us to watch Mom become a stranger and us become strangers to her. My sister came to live with her and stayed at her side until her death. It was because of my sister that Mom was able to stay at home.

One thing I think that is the hardest is deciding what to do with the person who isn't who they used to be anymore. What do you do? They don't want to be moved into a rest-home or anything like that, but you can't handle it on a day-to-day basis. So what happens to the person who is slowly losing their minds and themselves. Not everyone has a sister who can just drop her life and move in. For us, it was a blessing to have Joyce, who came to live with Mom happily. She wanted to do it and will tell you to this day that it was her way of being a blessing to the mother who was first a blessing to her.

Another thing that comes to mind that you wonder about is, do you go and see the person who doesn't know who you are anyway? Do you subject the children to the pain and suffering of watching "grandma or grandpa" fall slowly into a place that they can't come back out of? Of course you don't want to abandon that loved one. It is unthinkable. But it is also very hard. The part that people don't realize is that when someone has something that takes them away bit by bit is that they are grieving. There is a death taking place before their very eyes. They are watching the end little by little. So the family visiting needs to realize that lots of the feelings that come with an actual "death" are taking place inside of them. Anger, denial, bargaining...all of it is happening while their loved one is still alive. That makes it that much harder to go and be a positive visitor with the sufferer of this horrible disease. It would help to sit down together and talk about how you feel before, during and after seeing your loved one.

There are no quick fixes or easy ways out of this disease. It is a stealer and a destroyer of the mind. I do know that there have been strides in medicine that can make life fuller and longer now than when Alzheimer's was first brought out onto the scene. Before that you just thought it was "old age". For the person living with it and the family who loves the ones who have it; sensitivity to the situation is paramount.
And if someone out there is a caregiver for an Alzheimer's' patient, blessings to you!

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