This year I will have been married for 40 years. That having been said, I know that I can make the following statement without fear of contradiction; I DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS! Especially those between a man and a woman. Men and women are so very different in how they think that any reasonable male after having been married for more than a week,should have developed a finely honed sense of survival, primarilly out of fear.

If the past four decades have taught me anything about relationships it is that one must
be open to the subtleties of language. Language that is expressed both verbally and through the language of her body. He must always be ready to make way for the opinion of his better half. The man must keep in mind that even though his opinion, though grounded in fact is valid and correct, he is in fact wrong! If he chooses to defend his position in any discussion, he is doomed, for as we know, the woman is superior to man in every way and is never wrong.

Any reasonable and rational husband must develop a finely-honed set of survival techniques if his relationship with his wife is to survive. The most important of these techniques is how to properly answer a question posed by his wife. Even the most simple and innocuous question as asked by a wife can be misconstrued and become the fodder for marital nuclear fall-out.
For example, NEVER answer the following questions:

"Honey do I look fat in this dress?"
There is no way to properly answer this question without finding yourself in divorce court in shackles and chains. Your wife may look like the zeppelin Hindenburg in the dress and given the proper windage,it will split at the seams, but even the most junior of husbands knows not to acknowledge that fact. Sure, you can smile at your wife and say:
"No honey you look great in that dress." Now, not a nano-second has passed between the question and your answer. You smile inwardly confident that you have dodged yet another bullet.You fool, you've learned nothing!
She then will look at you, her eyes two glowing orbs of laser beams burning through your very soul and ask: "Why did you hesitate when you answered?"
At this point there is no way to redeem yourself so in order to safely extricate yourself, you will have to feign a massive stroke! You fall to the floor, the side of your face slack, foaming drool oozing from the sides of your lips, your eyes rolling around in your head,your body spasmodically twitching as though

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