by Angela S. Young

Created on: May 16, 2008   Last Updated: May 01, 2009

As my husband and I get closer to the thirty year mark, I know marriages between introverts and extroverts have a chance of survival. My husband spent three hours at Sam's club last week talking to a man he had just met. I, on the other hand, might talk to the stranger who talks to me, but it is an awkward process that seldom evolves past hello unless I am talking to an extrovert who keeps the show going.

This is my life. I always take something with me so that I have things to do while my husband networks with the world. I relate to my knitting or books, while he relates to the people around him. Since we've lasted so long, I don't really think it's a problem. He thrives on people (and talking). I thrive on being around people too, but in a much less hands-on way. I also enjoy being alone or being alone in a crowd.

The main thing to remember if you are married to your opposite (and you probably are) is to accept them as they are and accept yourself as you are. What a sad world it would be if we were all the same. Who would listen to the extrovert talkers if not for us introverts?
Embrace the differences as you help complete one another.

Another thing you may want to do is discuss limits. If your introvert doesn't even like to go out of the house, you may have a problem. If your social butterfly takes things too far, you may have a problem. Friends of mine have signals they use when they are in conversation with others. Wherever they go, she is the predominant talker. If he wants to get a word in edgewise before the conversation has taken too many turns to go back, he places his hand over hers. She knows this means I have something to say about that, and she opens up the conversation for him.

I too adopted this method, especially when the four of us are together. We also never sit the two extroverts side by side. Sitting them opposite one another (introvert, extrovert, introvert, extrovert) allows the introverts to feel they are also part of the conversation. Our extroverts could talk and never even realize our introverts have been trying unsuccessfully to contribute to the conversation, so we use cues to remind them we're there.

Another plus to the introvert/extrovert arrangement is that we can use each others strengths in a way that compliments both. My husband helps draw me into social situations and I help him get out the door in a reasonable amount of time.

Essentially, an introvert/extrovert marriage has every chance of surviving if you accept one another and set boundaries to keep from violating one another. When my husband needs a people fix, he heads off to Sam's Club, Wal-Mart, or some other place where he can combine his love of shopping with his love of people. I enjoy the quiet time while he's gone at my computer writing or knitting.

Introverts don't necessarily want to be alone; they are just more comfortable with it. Extroverts don't always have to be around other people, they just act naturally when they are. By accepting one another and discussing the differences, you too can come to value that characteristic in your significant other. My life would be sadly lacking without my extrovert husband, and his would be lacking without the influence of his introvert wife. We compliment one another and have learned to work together so that both of us can be ourselves and yet allow the other to be him/herself. It works for us and it can work for all those other couples out there if they just take the time to work at it together.

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