by Tracy Jones

Created on: May 16, 2008   Last Updated: September 01, 2010

Being parents of five small children, my husband and I have had to deal with bringing a new baby into the family (four times for the oldest). During the pregnancy, we do try to make a big deal of the new baby, getting the children excited, letting them touch my belly to feel the movements, etc. We also help them feel like they're a part of the preparations. For example, the oldest will get the baby clothes ready or they can help decide on names and pick out teddy bears.

When the baby arrives, we have found that letting them hold the baby right away as a newborn helps with the acceptance of a new family member. If, however, they don't want to, we don't force them. We have experienced slight jealousy at times, and all that takes, we have found, is one-on-one personal attention with the older child.

I was told that a newborn can always be put down in his/her bed at any time when an older child is in need of attention. The biggest reason children resent their baby sibling is that they think the baby has stolen their mom or dad. How can we show the older child this is not true? By spending time with them, by listening to them, by putting their artwork on the fridge, by taking time to kiss each one before bed. We have learned that each child is unique and deserving of all our love.

Sometimes, it's the children who teach us. Our son, our only son, was so looking forward to having another boy in the family, that we all thought for sure our fifth child was going to be a boy. I must tell you, that I felt a slight disappointment when the doctor said it was "a girl". I felt for my son. However, he surprised me when he came to the hospital to visit and kissed the baby and asked to hold her right away. Sometimes, we have to give them the benefit of the doubt. They don't always take it hard when a new sibling arrives. On the contrary, our kids were very excited. They were actually fighting to see whose room the baby would sleep in. And now (just seven months later), our son is already putting his things away that are too small for him to save for "a baby brother".

Our case may be different then some. We have had our children all very close in age and so when a baby is born, the last child is still very small as well. It's a bit more work, but they grow up together and learn to love, work, play and live together. They also see the value we put on life, the openness we have and the fact that every person is special and made in the image of God.

Now our children understand that a baby is more helpless than they are and they are willing to help out more and they are willing to accept if yet another one comes along.

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