What kind of question is that?! One of the obligations and core values of family is to be there for each other when needed. However, creating a multi-generational household is not as straight forward as it appears at first glance. You need to answer some questions about your situation, the assistance that your parents need, and if they will even accept help before you make this decision. The following questions and situations may help you to decide if having your parents move in with you is truly the right answer.

What is your own situation? It is not always your decision alone. Do you have a spouse? Are there children in the home? Do you work outside the home? What has your relationship been with your parents up to this point? You must ask yourself how this expansion of your household will affect everyone involved. Blending your nuclear family with extended family can be very stressful. Will there be financial difficulties? You must weigh all of these factors honestly and openly.

What is your parents level of independence? Can they manage activities of daily living on their own or will they need substantial assistance from you? If assistance is needed, you must be willing and able to either supply this assistance yourself or be able to hire someone to care for them when you are not able. Caring for your parents is an admirable wish but you must be realistic also. Assess the needs of your parents and ask yourself if you can realistically meet these needs. I have known many adult children who have the desire to help but the needs are overwhelming. If that is the case then you must ask yourself if it wouldn't be better for your parents if they not live with you but rather live in an assisted living situation where there are people there to provide the care they need. Sometimes it is even an extended living facility or nursing home that is most appropriate. This is not an easy decision and often children feel guilty about this. You must be realistic.

However, it isn't always about "letting" Mom and Dad live with you. The question implies that they want to move in with you. In my experience it is usually the other way around...the child wanting to help and the parents either not allowing the help or, even more often, not willing to admit that they need help. If that is the case it may be wiser to provide the assistance they need in their home through frequent visits or helping to hire someone to take care of their needs. "Forcing" the issue can often cause tension, anxiety and anger. The loss of friends and familiar surroundings can be devastating to the elderly. Will they have an opportunity to make new friends and partake in a variety of social activities?

No matter how much you want to help your parents it is not always that easy. You must examine your own situation and include all involved in the decision. Look realistically at the physical and mental abilities of your parents. Are their needs above what you can supply? Often, it takes great communication skills to even convince your parents to consider changing their present living conditions. Although it is not easy, it can be the most rewarding of experiences for everyone involved to have a multi-generational family living under one roof.

Learn more about this author, Barbara Reilly.
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