by Vannase Cary

Created on: May 15, 2008

It was October 1988, I had just found out that my father had past away the year before. It was the worse time in my children's life and I was not making it any easier. We were homeless and I suffered with seizures so things were not looking good.

I had not seen my dad since 1972. We had heard he had died in a truck accident in 73 so we were not prepared to hear about his death so late. The anger I felt about him not letting me into his life was indescribable. I cried for four months trying to get the death certificate until finally going through one of the Senators I was able to get it.

The story was not why or how my daddy died or our relationship. The story is I went on a search to find my daddy and on that search, I found more than what I was looking for and I found him along the way.

You see I started my search out looking for my daddy in L.A. I had drove down there to find him and to see if he was still working with the Carnival. It never accrued to me he would even be in his 70's by that time. Yet, I went to see anyway because I wanted to know, I was the only one in the family that had a girl, and I wanted him to know his grandchildren and hopefully do right by them.

That was the plan! God had other plans and he knew that I was a hard case so he had to get me in the right place to get through to me. One of those places was all-alone. Lost trying to find the entrance to the freeway I drove for hours under the freeway I know this must sound like it is silly. It honestly happen I drove in circles for hours in a little Toyota Wagon and could not find the freeway entrance. Saw the signs, saw cars disappear but when I got to the place to get on there was no entrance.

I was getting so frustrated I finally turned on the radio and could only find a Christian Radio station. The song that was playing said, "Let Jesus be father." I started crying and said, "Fine you want to be my father you be my father. You have been the only one there for me anyway!" Suddenly there was the freeway on ramp and I was on my way home.

I had never felt more up lifted in my life and felt that I needed to take care of some other things that had been keeping me bitter to long. Anger I had toward an aunt that took us away from our father. That I had to forgive before it was to late.

When I got to our hometown I called her and told her I forgave her, it was then I found out that someone had been trying to contact us about our daddy. I later called my older sister that lived there; she and my brother

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