The ramblings of an elderly moggy.

I was born into a busy household. There were four in my litter and many more cats and dogs in the house. The cats were in charge, of course. However, when the food was put down you had to be sure to get in quick. Those dogs were fast eaters and they didn't always care whether food was for them or kittens. Now I know some might not imagine it, with all those dogs, but those days of my early kittenhood were happy. We were all one happy family.

One day, when I was a few months old, one of my sisters sneaked under the gate and got out. She hadn't got far when two humans, who were walking along, spotted her, picked her up and brought her back. Well she'd followed the first rule of kitten-hood, and made them fall in love with her. As it happened our mother human was away that day, so they gave my sister to her son. He said if these humans wanted to become my sister's pet humans, they'd had to come back the next day. Well I listened to this, and I knew what I had to do. You have to understand it is every kitten for himself, in this situation.

The next day when they came back I was ready. I charged at them and tumbled over their feet, pretending it was an accident and all. I know it's a cheap trick, but it worked. Humans often fall for the cheapest of tricks. I'd put on my cutest look, and before they knew it they were more in love with me, than my sister. Of course they asked to be my humans. I had them where I wanted them. I knew I was going to have the arduous task of training them to serve my every need, but I had done the most important thing any kitten can do. I'd found myself some tame humans to serve me.

This was the start of my great adventure. Young cats, reading this, should take note of what I say. They might learn a thing or two about managing humans. It is a skill. I might say it is one that I am a master at. I didn't get the title of G.O.M (Grand Old Moggy) without considerable work.

Cats must be willing to put a serious paw to their careers, to achieve what I have. The kitten makes the cat, and as we all know, this is a cat's world.

When my humans took me to my new home, I was delighted but also a little sad. Humans, who some argue do have feelings, don't appreciate the mixed feeling of a kitten being taken from his place of birth. Yes, I was excited to be out in the wide world, but the truth is I missed my family. I even missed the dogs. It is true that I no longer had to compete for food

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