The First Date

Joanne and Cameron are on their first date at an elegant restaurant. Joanne is a self-centered cow. Cameron is an insecure oaf. Neither of them have had luck in dating; Joanne is talkative and pushy; no doubt, you've met her before. She demands attention. Cameron still isn't quite over his divorce and can't go through a single date without managing to bring it up, whether it's an accident or not. It puts a lot of women off. They won't make it through the evening.

Joanne: ...and so I said to him, "fruit salad," and I tell you what, that got him going for the rest of the night. Before I knew it, everyone was in on it; I kept hearing "fruit salad" this and "fruit salad" that until I nearly passed out laughing-of course I eventually did, but that's a whole other story. But then-(chuckling) oh my, I've gone so far off-topic. What were we even talking about? It was shower heads right? Yes, it was definitely shower heads because I remember that you absolutely had to know about Tim's fortieth. You were practically begging to hear about it. So it was your fault I went off, but don't worry, I don't mind.

Cameron: I'm sorry; I didn't mean to take you off subject.

Joanne: I said don't worry, dear. Do you like parties, or were you just Tim's for the free buffet? It was a fun party, not as exciting as his last one, but who am I kidding- of course you love parties. I mean, just look at you-look at that tie you're wearing. It screams, "Look at me; I'm the life of the party." C'mon, I know you've got a good story.

Cameron: Oh, I couldn't- have you tried this bread? What do you think it is, wheat, rye?
Joanne: It's sourdough. You're a friend of Tim, right? All he ever does is party. Where did you meet him anyway?

Cameron: I'll tell you what kind of bread this is. It's delicious. Hey, hey waiter, could you get us some more bread.

Joanne: I love bread I'd make it myself but I can't cook- and besides, eating it is so much more fun. There's a bakery just a few blocks away from my apartment, they bake the best bread.
Cameron: Really? That's interesting.

Joanne: Uh-huh.What do you usually eat? Well, besides bread.

Cameron: I really like to eat these frozen fish sticks that you get at the grocery store, nothing fancy, but I love those things. My wife used to make em whenever she didn't feel like cooking.

Joanne: You're

Cameron: Divorced

Joanne: I'm sorry. Do you have any kids?

Cameron: N-n, well-ah, waiter, can you get me some more wine?

Joanne: Oh, that reminds me of this great story. This one time, my friend Desiree was driving us home, but she had a few glasses to drink before and uh, long-story short, she's not doing so well.

Learn more about this author, M. Hell.
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