by Jordan Brown

Created on: May 15, 2008

Happiness
I've always wished for more, something better, something to make me happy.

Everyone in the world knows what will make them happy,they might not have that thing but they sure as hell know what it is.

Friends,family,love,drugs,partying,everyone knows....except me.

I wish I knew so I could strive for it,so I could do everything humanly possible to get it.

Sometimes I think I want all my friends to be happy,problem free but in my heart I know that's impossible..

I know no that matter what I do I will never be able to do that for a single person,let alone everyone.

After stomaching the fact that is impossible I thought about love. Could love make me happy?

I know what love feels like its addicting, more powerful than any drug,but the withdraw is unbearable.

Having your heartbroken is some of the worse pain you can experience.

Sure broken bones and cuts hurt,but they are only physical, a broken hits you on all levels.

You become physically drained,you're an emotional trainwreck, it's a pain that can last a lifetime.

Maybe I don't know what will make me happy, maybe one specific thing won't satisfy me but I know i'm always going to keep in mind ideas of things that will.

Right now I enjoy long, heartfelt conversations.

I enjoy compliments that i don't have to dig to get.

I enjoy people noticing me and picking me out of the crowd.

I enjoy people standing up for me.

I enjoy texts that say more than hello.

I enjoy good friends,people who care about me.

I guess all I can ask for is a decent friend,above average and I only have a few friends like that.

It's funny, iu try my hardest to be the nicest boy anyone has ever met,but that never happens and if it does the world just walks all over me.

My closest friend right now is a girl I met three weeks ago.

Its lame to know that you aren't as close to the person as they are to you.

But I'm not complaining what can I expect?

It's just sometimes i feel like I'm not giving her enough space,like I'm always there.

It's stupid.

When I see myself I think of the same boy I was 3 years ago,but with closer examination I really realize how much I have changed.

Somebody once said "...you learn something new everyday." I apply that to change.

Everyone changes day in and day out,we might not catch it but its true, our thoughts ,our actions,even our morals can change at the blink of an eye.

Sometimes I catch myself wondering if I mean anything to anyone.

Have I ever meant anything to anyone?

Does some REALLY think about me before they go to sleep?

Am I the only person that thinks about each and every person in my life before I close my eyes?

Maybe I am different. Maybe I'm the crazy one who cares.

Maybe I'm the crazy one who tries to not be the stereotypical male.

I want to be the one thought that makes someones day.

I think I know what will make me happy.

I know that is probably never going to happen,but for now its the crazy dream I have.

I just wish i could make it a reality.

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