by G E Barr

Created on: May 14, 2008

Dick Tater walked out of his office and leaned down to pet his dog. "Dog", said Dick, "You are my best friend". And the dog leaned into the leg of Dick Tater and licked his hand. Dick shivered with full joy and arose to face the people.

Dick Tater walked to the terrace of his office building and looked out upon the people and he said to them:

"My dog has just licked my hand. He is the most loyal thing I know. You however, are bothersome. Insubordinate. Creative. Maladjutant."

"Truly, if you would only become as this Labrador Retriever and show me loyalty, I would give freedom to you. I would allow you to pursue that which you want, you know, three meals a day and reading those cultural examples of Jewish heresy."

The people spoke among themselves. They were wroth and yet they were afraid and so they kept quiet as Dick turned and walked back into the office building. Secretly, the people hated Dick Tater. They loathed his insanity and his insistence that he was somehow born to rule them. But nobody really knew where he came from. Some said hell itself and others said Michigan. Nobody knew how he had attained power. One woman vaguely remembered voting for Dick Tater, but she thought he was running for dog catcher. He always had that damned Labrador with him.

Dick Tater walked back into his office and yelled to his secretary. She walked meekly into his office. She was short and pudgy and wore a black pant suit. Her beautifully shiny dark hair was perfectly tied back in an ivory clasp.

Her name was Fax. A name her mother gave her upon her birth, when she had a premonitory vision of the Fax machine.

Fax was loyal. Like the Labrador Retreiver. She was an expert copier. She could copy anything. She had passed all of Dick Tater's tests.

"Fax', Dick began happily, 'you are truly a model of Labrador proportions and men such as myself could not exsist without you".

Fax smiled, satisfied to be appreciated by none other than the Dick Tater.

"Fax Schist, I want you to know just how much I appreciate you!" Dick sang out.

"Dick, you are a hard man, but you make me so happy!" Fax sang back.

"Good! Tonight we are going to electricute those unlike us."

"Electricute?"

"Yes, we strap them to chairs and push simple buttons which deliver jolts to those we abhor!"

Fax Schist smiled and cooed at the thought.

"What shall I wear?" Fax queried with a tilted head.

"Dress informally, jeans would be fine." Dick advised.

"And one more thing, Fax."

"What's that, my fine, brilliant boss?"

"Suffer not the electrocuted to come unto me, for of such is the kingdom of the Labrador."

"Amen!"

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