by Ms. K

Created on: May 14, 2008   Last Updated: June 14, 2008

I believe the biggest reasons for assuming teens lack parenting skills are self-absorption, rebelliousness, immaturity and lack of guidance.

Teenagers are usually very self-oriented. The belief that teenagers think mostly about themselves is true most of the time with many of them and some of the time with the rest of them. It is part of growing up. The problem comes in when they are thinking about themselves and their social life instead of focusing on their child.

Rebelliousness is still a factor in decision making. Many times, the rebellion that may have been involved with getting pregnant does not simply go away when they have a baby. They are still learning how to make their own decisions and they may still be basing those decisions on what their own parents wouldn't want them to do or what feels good at the time rather than being old enough and experienced enough to use reason and information in a positive way.

Teenagers are not mature adults. Teenagers are not called adults because they aren't adults. They haven't matured mentally and emotionally. While it is true that individuals mature at different paces and some teens may be more mature than a 25 year old, this is not the case with most of them. That isn't an insult to teens. It is merely a fact of life.

Teens are left parenting alone because of the rights given to them by law. What the naysayers don't seem to realize is that with help, teenagers are capable of caring for their children and making more responsible decisions. They need guidance, not disdain. The law (at least in my state) mandates that once a teen has a baby, the teen's parents have no say in how they raise that child. While some think this is a great idea (and could be if the grandparents are unfit), what it does is make it virtually impossible for grandparents to set limits and help their child learn how to care for a baby. Many teen parents will use the law to do what they want, when they want and why? Because they are teenagers. It is not necessarily what is best for them but neither is adolescent sex, drugs, smoking, drinking, and other high risk behaviors engaged in by many of their peers.

So while there are exceptions to the rule, it is understandable that the majority consensus is that teenagers won't make good parents. While it may seem to be unfair to teen parents, it makes sense to many adults who by the way, were once teens themselves.

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