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You are not your thoughts.

You are the one thinking thoughts, not the thoughts themselves. If you realize this, you hold the key to happiness.

Thoughts are very powerful. They can actually make you believe that you are experiencing a different reality than the present one. Think of the worst fight you ever had. If you really think about the details, the reason the fight started, the inflexible attitude of your antagonist and the animal eruption of violence, physical or verbal, your hands will clench and your heart-rate will escalate. At present you are simply sitting in front of a computer, reading, but your body is responding as if it were being attacked.

Think of a time when you owed money: a late mortgage payment, notice of cancellation, etc. Did you sleep well? Your mind raced from one dismal possibility to the next pushing sleep away liked a scorned lover. At the time you were probably in a comfy bed with a full belly, but that was not your reality.

Thoughts are useful things, surely. They create wonderful works of art, solve the physical mysteries of the universe and help us navigate subways. The trick is not to identify your self with your thoughts.

Take the thought "I am too fat." If you think this thought and identify with it, a myriad of negative thoughts will follow: "People think I'm disgusting; I'll never get a boy/girlfriend and I'll die lonely." You might as well pop open the Ben and Jerry's to soothe the sad little self inside you.

If, instead, you take that thought and just observe it, without feelings of guilt or shame, objectively, you might find that you have the energy to change your situation. Put on some sweats, take a little jog and don't give in to any thoughts of what people may think about you.

The reverse is also true. When you experience something wonderful, such as winning the lottery, already the seed of despair is planted. You will never feel this elated again and once it fades you may think something is wrong with you. If instead you observe the initial joy you feel and realize that it is also just a thought, you can go beyond the trivial world of temporary happiness.

Just observe your thoughts but don't fight them. We have been taught that some thoughts should be a source of shame and should be driven out. Resisting your thoughts is a form of repression and they will almost surely pop up again in more concentrated and uglier forms. Expose even the darkest thoughts to the light of observation and they will wither and blow away like dandelion fluff of their own accord.

Once you recognize thoughts for what they are, (just thoughts) they will no longer control you.

Learn more about this author, Scott Wilkins.
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