by Alena Savoy

Created on: May 14, 2008

My story is a difficult one to share. I've been having a hard time talking about this issue, but I feel that I'm in a point in my life where I can finally talk about it.

My fiance and I had been officially together for about a year at the time, and we had been high school sweethearts. So we knew everything about each other. We had finally decided to settle down and start our life together. We had just bought our own place and a couple of months later, I got pregnant. I can remember when I missed my period and I bought a pregnancy test While he was at work. He told me to wait until he got home so he could see the result. Well, I couldn't wait because I was so anxious. So, I took it and it came out positive. A few minutes I called him and told him "I'm pregnant!" He paused for a second and told me that he would call me back. He decided to come home early because he didn't believe me.

I can remember all of the excitement that we both shared. I then went to the doctor and they ran the normal tests, he then came in and said "Congratulations!" Before I left, the doctor told me he would schedule an ultrasound to see how far along I was. Then I started taking the prenatal vitamins and I was eating right and doing everything that I was supposed to.
I went in for my ultrasound and my fiance was with me and the technician said that there was no heart beat. My heart sank into the pit of my stomach. She then explained that it might be too soon to tell, but as a precaution they sent me to the hospital to check my hormone levels.
I went back two days later and when the doctor came in, he looked sad. He kept asking me how I was feeling, and I told him that I was fine besides the fact that I was having mood swings.
He told me that instead of my hormone levels doubling like they were supposed to, they were going down. Then he told me that it meant I was going to have a miscarriage. I started crying so hard. My mom was with me that day. The worst part was that it was her birthday of all days!
I went home and my fiance had called my mom's house and he wanted to know what happened at the doctor's office. (He had to work.) My mom didn't want to tell him, but he insisted and she ended up giving in. Meanwhile, I was at my house crying my eyes out and all of a sudden I saw him drive up, and I went outside and we both started to cry.
We had wanted to have a baby for so long and in an instant it felt so horrible to hear the terrible news.
A week went by and I still had not miscarried. So I went back to the doctor complaining of cramps, but I was not bleeding. So I decided to have a D&C operation where they take it out.
The doctor had told me that if I would not have had the operation, I would have gotten really sick.
It's been a few months since January 17, 2008 and I am very reluctant to try again. My heart has been broken once with the terrible news of losing something that was created inside of me. I don't want it to happen again. But when the time is right, when I feel that I'm ready, I know that I'll be ready to try again.

Learn more about this author, Alena Savoy.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.