by Stacy Verdick Case

Created on: May 13, 2008   Last Updated: May 14, 2008

At Least Hell Is Warm

Since the day The Hubster and I announced our engagement the subject of our religious differences comes up a lot. The Hubster is Catholic and I'm a heretic Lutheran. Neither of us really gives two squirts about our dogmatic differences, but those around us are ruffled by our cavalier disregard of our separate paths. Most are convinced that one of us, namely me, is going to hell when we depart this earthly plane.

Personally, I don't understand the conundrum. We are both, after all, part of a Christian sect, so our beliefs are pretty much in line with one another. The only major departure that I've detected over the years is that as a Catholic he is compelled to pray to this saint for this problem and that saint for that problem, and I as a Lutheran just dial direct.
When you plan a wedding ceremony, how small the ideological differences are doesn't matter. Weddings are a Church's ultimate recruiting tool come over to our dogma or we won't marry you. Darth Vader should have used this tactic on Luke, "Come to the dark side, we have hot chicks willing to wed you." I mean, the only play Luke got in all three films was from his sister, so this method could have been wildly successful in changing his allegiances.

Starry-eyed brides with visions of their fluffy white gowns, and rose frosted cakes, etched in their brains have fallen victim to this induction ploy. Thousands of brides-to-be have strong-armed their victims, umI mean fiances, into conversion classes like zealots sacrificing Romans.

The image of happily married couples reaching the pearly gates, and Saint Peter checking their religious passports to make sure the couple shared the same faith, strikes me as ridiculous and funny. Does God, if he truly exists, care what faith you come from as long as you believe? And if He's condemning me to the fires of hell for not converting, wouldn't then the Hubster suffer the same hideous fate?

Neither the Husbster nor I were willing to break ranks and join the other side. We didn't fall for the "come to our side or no wedding" bit either. I called the clerk of courts to marry us. This sent my Mother-In-Law into fits of Catholic guilt wielding. Daily I heard her voice emanate from my husband-to-be, likes some bizarre long distance ventriloquist, "without a full mass you're not really married."

Eventually, someone threw out the notion that if the Hubster and I were to procreate our children would be illegitimate. I can live with the threat of eternal damnation,

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