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I have been married for 18 years and did not see the separation coming. It was not supposed to be like this. We were supposed to be together until "death do us part" That is not going to happen.

The good news is that I'm not dead. I can come back from this. I am not broken, just wounded. It was an accident after all; he didn't mean for it to happen.

That's the interesting thing about marriage. When you are standing at the alter taking your vows, on that one special day, you are positive it's forever. The relationship will not fail because you will not let it. Divorce will not happen to you because you're different.

A Relationship must be nurtured. You have to take care of it like that very fine, bone china in your Grandmother's cupboard. Treat it gently and with great respect, or it will break, and you will not be able to glue the pieces back together.

I have been thinking a great deal about what went wrong as I pack, and I know it didn't just happen. It's been coming on for a very long time, I just ignored it. The sad truth is sometimes you find that you and your spouse don't see eye to eye anymore. Sometimes, you grow apart and can't find a way bridge the gap that exists between you. Little things become big things. They accumulate over time when the communication is faulty. Listening to your partner is as important as talking to them.

I think integrity is the cornerstone of any relationship and it was missing in mine. After 18 years with the same person, it is easy to take things for granted. You know so much about them that you don't even think about what you may not know. It does not occur to you to find out. You figure you know him about as well as anybody is going to. Warts and all, you can do this. It's not perfect, but then, nothing is.

You trust that he will not hurt you or lie to you. The basis of marriage is trust. Once that is damaged, you're in trouble, serious trouble. It's a simple concept really. Just answer your spouse honestly when they ask you a question. That's not complicated. It may mean that you don't get the answer you want or need, but if it's the truth, you should be able to get past that. There is absolutely nothing worse than being lied to, in my view of the world. It is a deal breaker. I hate it more than anything and he always knew that.

It is heartbreaking when you discover the lie. Then you dig deeper, because you are convinced if there is one lie, there must be more. You wait for endless minutes, hours and days for the other shoe to drop. You think you are starting to get paranoid, because you stop believing anything he says. Is he really at Starbucks?

That is why I am systematically shipping my boxes to my new home and moving out. I have no trust, so I have no marriage. I do not want to live the rest of my life like this. I believe in the romance and love that a relationship offers. I do not want to lose that and become angry and bitter.

Relationship's fail because when the love dies. The love dies when you do not treasure it for the gift that it is. I choose to learn from this; what I did wrong and what he did wrong and could we have avoided it. I write and put one foot in front of the other. I am not one to live with regret. It's a wasted emotion that gives nothing in return and I have a lot left to give.

Be careful with your love and take care of each other.

Learn more about this author, Laurie Miles.
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