by Joni Cross

Created on: May 12, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

Reproductively Challenged Yet Never Convicted

Do you suffer from the recurring "if I see another 'Baby On Board' bumper sticker I'll drive my car into the next concrete pylon" feeling that comes over those of us who are cursed with being reproductively challenged? Seriously! Assuming the purpose of these things is to encourage all of the would-be reckless drivers to exercise extreme caution, does that mean that I should get a 'Hit Me! I'm Infertile!' sign, slap it onto my bumper and attempt to draw all of the lunatics into my car?

Then there are the special parking spaces! How aggravating is it to find a parking space, only to discover that it is 'Reserved for Expectant Mothers'! Are you kidding me? When did pregnancy become a handicap? I think if anyone needs to walk a few steps from their car into the store it would be the gal with the free pass to eat and pack on 40+ extra pounds over a 9 month period. But no! Here I am, faulty ovaries, endometriosis my closest friend, clogged tubes, living off of anti-depressants and to top it off, NOW minus a uterus. Where's MY sign?!

Throughout a decade of being reproductively challenged and receiving sage advice from trained professionals, I routinely applied one of the following two techniques:

1) Cry hysterically; drive straight home; consider upping the anti-depressants; vow to never again leave the house. (This was my most used technique however the need to do things like 'earn a living' kept getting in the way)

2) Cry hysterically; react swiftly and violently to whatever clearly insane and insensitive thing that "hit" my reproductively challenged buttons; immediately begin to work on a likely "temporary insanity" defense. (I would elaborate on how often I used this technique but it could mess up the "Yet Never Convicted" part of the article)

Neither of these methods were extremely successful and due to the fact that my family was on the verge of having me (or themselves) committed, I was forced to develop a new way of coping that made it possible for me to remain a functioning member of society...and stay out of jail.

3) Acknowledge the pain; force a smile; cry hysterically-alone AND with a loved one; find your laughter. I know that the pain is very real and the emptiness and bitterness feels completely unbearable at times. Do not hold it in. Share it with someone that loves you and remember that you are not alone. Most of all, find your laughter. The saying "If I don't laugh about it, I'll cry" is so true. For example:

When you hear someone complaining that their due date does not EXACTLY fit into their summer vacation...laugh.

When your car breaks down on the way to the doctor and you find yourself (and your sperm cup) sitting on the side of the road...laugh.

When you are forced to go to counseling for depression because your doctor won't treat you until you do- and you arrive to find that your counselor is 8 months pregnant...laugh.

Last but not least, when you see that parking sign that saves a space for expectant mothers...PARK THERE...and laugh.

It is difficult to put into words what a woman goes through trying to have a baby. It is also difficult to cope with the feelings that overtake you at times. Remember that you are not alone. Remember that you are breathing, walking and able to face another day, no matter what it may bring. Life is too short and I don't think they have fertility specialists that serve the prison system. Remember to breathe...count to ten...and laugh.

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