by Ian Heller

Created on: May 12, 2008

HOW TO LEAVE AN EMPLOYER WITH GRACE AND STYLE

I wish an older relative, or perhaps a community leader, shared this advice with me over the years. Lord knows I needed it.

I have had eight jobs over the years, mostly due to an over-saturated job market. Consequently, I am continually moving on. I have learned a lot over the years. As to how to tell when a lay-off is coming and how to leave the office with grace and style.

If you have been fired because you're a skunk, you have been fired because you're a skunk. Unfortunately, a shaky economy may leave a business with no choice but to lay someone off to save money. It would be nice if the employer could say, "sorry it was a financial decision." But rarely does this happen.

After the financial decision is made behind the scenes then a rationalization is found, either by the employer itself or some jackass employee who steps up to the task (thinking that stabbing a mortally-wounded employee in the back, again, is a sure-fire way to get ahead). And the rationalization is that the employee is usually morally defective in some way.

The first sign that a layoff is coming is that it gets quiet whenever you are in the room. (Its probably because a Supervisor has bad-mouthed you behind your back) Occasionally, an employee or supervisor with poor social skills will start screaming at you uncontrollably. But over the years the one thing I have noticed is that suddenly, it is as if I am dead. At first the managers treat you this way, then the secretaries pick up on the bad vibes and stop doing the work you assign to them.

Do not take the extra quiet as a good thing. Do not deny what is happening. If people seem upset whenever you are in the room it is time to start taking your belongings home.

Some people get angry at you because it is base animal nature to attack the weak. My experiences in the work force have been that men will tend to avoid me in my last days, letting me die a slow death by myself. Women, on the other hand, will become nasty, resorting to crass behavior which subconsciously tells them, "This guy cannot help me get ahead. Ostracize! Kill!"

If there is anything I have learned it is to wear boots with heels, which emphasize my height. Especially at the end. No matter how vicious a woman is feeling in my final hours, she usually thinks twice before verbally attacking a man over six feet tall.

If you think you are going to be tossed, do not leave all your belongings in the office to the end. This may seem like a small

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