Mother's Day without my mom is painful. I miss her terribly. The tragedy of this is that she is still alive. Well, part of her is still alive. My mom was diagnosed with schizophrenia and displaced identity disorder (formerly known as multiple personalities). I know my mom is in there, somewhere, I just can't reach her.

I called her early on Mother's Day morning, not knowing which "one of her" would answer the telephone. It was the gung-ho, go get 'em "Kate" that answered. Kate doesn't recognize me as her daughter. Kate is in her mid-twenties and busy finding the latest new man in her life. She is a wild one, living out my mom's most private fantasies. At least that is what I tell myself to save my own sanity. She plays along with that idea of talking to me because she feels sorry for me. I know this because she has told me so. I talk to Kate as if she was a friend of my mother's. I told her how much I missed my mom and how much I love her. She suggested that I "mend fences quickly" because "you just know how long you have.

I had a wonderful celebration with my husband and daughter. We went to church, had lunch and opened my presents. I laughed as if all was well. The pain inside is great, but I have to go on and live my life. It isn't as cold as it sounds. I have a family to take care of and that is the most important - that is what my mom taught me.

I called my mom back after our little party. This time it was Martha who answered. Martha is the older, depressed woman that possesses my mom. Martha knows who I am and accepts me as her daughter. Having a conversation with Martha is harder than with any of the other personalities. She is negative and cries most of the time. She is very needy, always asking for advice or money or an explanation for why her life is so sad and lonely. I told her happy Mother's Day and she began her latest sob story. I listened patiently as she explained how she had lost her purse with all her money in it the day before. She had just gotten some money from somewhere (the job my real mom has for now) and now it was all gone. I was certain it was Kate who spent it on a manicure and a new dress for the date she told me she had with the love of her life for this week. I told her I would talk with my husband and see if we could send her a little something to help out.

After Martha finished her tale of woe, we said good-bye and I hung up the phone. I picked up my daughter and hugged her as tightly

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