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from use on the public highway.'
Druid and builder break out in unison, 'Oh, but I didn't know..... '
'Ignorance is no excuse, gentlemen. After all, if some lunatic invented something that would shove these carts around without using oxen, we'd all be in a bit of a mess, wouldn't we ?"

Oh, well. That was fun while it lasted. I still haven't managed to tell you about this ironing business. Honestly, Shakespeare would have made a fortune out of me. Tragedies, comedies, ironing......

That's the problem with drinking several pints of fairly strong draught bitter. It leaves you with all the manual dexterity of a chimpanzee in boxing-gloves, along with the mental agility of a hibernating terrapin.
Okay, here we go. Plug in the iron. Five minutes later, you remember to switch it on at the wall-socket. Whilst you blearily sort the first victim from the laundry-pile, the iron burns through the cloth cover on the board. Nice pattern. If anyone ever comes up with a fabric paint that adheres to charred nylon, you could do a nice heraldic design on that brown, shield-shaped mark.
Never mind. Sort the spare cover out later. Now for the first shirt. Oh, now that was too bad. If you'd pushed a little harder, the point of the iron would have gone through both sides of the sleeve, instead of just one. Leave it. Do the trousers.
Have you ever tried to find a crease in an old, shapeless pair of trousers at one-thirty in the morning ? Don't try it. Einstein couldn't have worked it out. During the ironing process, the garment falls gracefully to the floor several times. As a result, the trousers end up with three or four creases to each leg, giving a rather unusual hexagonal look. Probably very fashionable on the third planet of Proxima Centauri, but, sadly, not here.
It wasn't until two-forty-five in the morning that I realised this hadn't been finished-off. So I tip-toed over the cat and, squinting a little in the gloom I put a full stop just here.

Learn more about this author, Steve Peach.
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