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with it. Oh, no. Back upstairs we go, apologising to the now slumbering cat on the way. Now, that IS interesting. I had no idea that my bathroom wall could move that fast ! It leaped out behind me, slugged me and blended neatly back into the surrounding wallpaper before I heard it move. I always thought that kind of thing only happened if you drank cheap vodka.

I had a single vodka earlier this evening. It sort of went down alongside the draught bitter and I never really felt it go.
All of a sudden, I think it must have come back. My legs have just gone on strike and my brain has started to rub on the inside of my skull in a most painful manner. A little like the feeling you'd expect after Mike Tyson has just re-modelled your face, after mistaking you for some boxer or other.
Stumbling through the spare room, it occurs to me that my work-trousers could do with pressing. Ten confused minutes later, I'm inching my way back downstairs with three shirts, two pairs of trousers and an assortment of handkerchieves. Now then, what did you do with the iron last time you used it ? Ah, there it is. Buried beneath two large sauce-pans and a coffee-grinder, at the rear of the topmost kitchen cupboard. Quite a logical place, really, if you don't think about it too hard.
In my rather fuddled state, raising an ironing-board to the correct operating position is rather like fishing for the Titanic with a hand-line. I often wonder whether I would have stood a better chance of success in earlier days, when folk were perhaps a little more tolerant towards cack-handed specimens like me.
Take Stonehenge for instance.
I can never look at photographs of the place without wondering if they refused to work on Sundays. Did they have demarcation disputes ? Did the Worshipful Company of Stone-draggers ever fall out with the Honourable Fellowship of Rope-twisters ?
I'll bet they did.
I'd also be prepared to bet that things didn't look too different on-site in those days either. Perhaps the odd pair of oxen, tied to a cart and finished in a natty yellow colour, with dents. They MUST have had a bit of industrial relations trouble somewhere along the line. How else can you account for the fact that Stonehenge isn't circular, none of the stones are vertical and half of it fell down shortly after it was completed, two or three centuries over contract?
You can picture the scene, can't you ?
The local druid is on his way home, past the vast mounds of soil which have been flung up all over Salisbury

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