I keep coming up on serious forks in the road. Not just regular forks where you have 2 paths to choose from ... hardcore forks with several paths, and I'm a Libra. Sometimes I'm staring at the ground, watching my feet move from under me, carrying me, kicking rocks along the way, when I realize I've come up on one of these forks but I was too distracted and had already wandered onto one of the paths before I even got to see my options. I look back for a second, but turn around and keep walking, taking it all as some sort of sign. I won't travel backwards. I wound up on this path for a reason, but from now on I'll keep my head up, just in case.

I'm noticing the trees and the wilderness around me. I'm hearing the sounds of birds and leaves rustling in the breeze, the crunch, crunch, crunch of dirt and rocks giving way to my every step. The path I'm on is long, the end nowhere in sight, but I'm anxious. I start to run. Not a frightened run, an eager, enthusiastic run. It morphs into a skip. Then I'm running again. Leaping and twirling and regressing to my childhood dance classes. The world is spinning with me. I've lost my breath. I stumble forward and still breathing heavy, I realize I've happened upon the next fork. I look back, I can't see where I started or where I've come from. I realize I barreled right through this last leg of the journey and I only hope I didn't miss something important while I was rushing through. I hope I didn't skip through any good parts.

No time for "what ifs" or regrets. And I don't travel backwards. Moving on.

Shoot. I kept my head up. I rushed, but I kept my head up. So now I see each path clearly. There are 5. I almost wished I'd kept my head down again and left it up to the fates or God to guide me onto one of the paths. I'm no good at decision making. It stresses me out.

I see each option. I try to process what they all mean and how each will effect my journey. Will they bring me closer or further from my ultimate goal? Wait, what is my ultimate goal? I got sidetracked. I wasn't paying attention. I go sit on a log on the side of the road.

I look around for a few moments when it hits me how tired I've become. When was the last time I took a break and just rested? I can't remember. I stretch out on the log, on my belly. I make a pillow of my hands. I watch a squirrel for a while, my eyes get heavy. I close them, listen to the birds and drift off to sleep.

I dream about the different paths. I see myself traveling down each one. I wake and it's all a blur. The squirrel is long gone. The birds have quieted. There is no breeze rustling the leaves. The world is still, waiting for me to make my move. I sit up on the log trying to remember the details of the dream. The answers were all in it. I know they were. But all I can remember is that ultimately the paths lead to 2 outcomes. One is good, the other, not so much. Three lead to one outcome, 2 lead to the other. I can't remember if it is the "good" outcome or the "bad" outcome that has the 3 to 2 advantage. I can't remember what path is what.

I'm mad at myself. Like someone handed me the answers to the test questions and I accidentally threw them away. I get up and walk over to the center of the path I just traveled. I'm facing my options. No answers come to me.

I close my eyes and cover my face with my hands. I start spinning. I stop and start spinning the other way. I stop. I pull one hand away from my face, eyes still closed and point straight ahead. I slowly lower my other hand. I open my eyes.

I'm pointing where there is no path.

Learn more about this author, Nina Penny.
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