by Yzzy Quarker

Created on: May 11, 2008

GUIDE TO GENERAL PUBLIC ETUQUETTE
What Kind of Guide Do We Need?

Etiquette is so random these days. Who holds the door for whom? What do you say when you have politely held the door for someone who sails past you without even a grunt of thanks? Is another's rudeness license to be rude oneself? How loudly should you play your music in public? Can I make a request if I'm forced to listen? How sarcastic can I be before I go too far?

These are questions that cross my mind as I remember past experiences when etiquette was a wraithlike mist with no chance of anyone getting a good grip on it. Once having had it explained to me by a group of young people (after I had the nerve to shush the one who was sitting right behind me singing loudly and off-key to the music playing in her ear) that since we were in a public place they could do what they want because this is a free country, I now know that it is okay to do anything I want in public. Huh?

My understanding is that you act out at home; turn your music up loud and sing into your hairbrush while admiring yourself in the mirror. When you are in public, mingling with strangers, you are on your best behavior; you hold the door open for others, you do not cut in line, you play your music at a reasonable level, you do not hit your children, you do not have loud personal phone calls in a public place. I sure miss phone booths; a place where you had the privacy of a tall, cool-looking glass box, with a folding door, in which to hold your personal conversations when away from home.

I have come to think of etiquette more as a way of us all co-existing rather that which fork to use since we frequently use chopsticks or pita bread instead. So another important consideration when discussing public etiquette is the variety of cultures represented in big cities today. Living in a particularly large city you could be treated to interaction with people from all over the world speaking over 200 languages, thankfully not at the same time. When they emigrate they bring their cultures with them causing confusion and misunderstanding in their new homeland if no one takes time to get to know each other.

Someone from a culture where it is considered impertinent to look an elder in the eye might have a hard time in a culture that considers eye contact a sign of honesty. Women from cultures that consider them to be second class often develop devious means to get what they want since directness is not an option. In some cultures this is considered two-faced and undesirable behavior, or a script for a reality show.

In a rapidly shrinking world where we can fly halfway around it in less than half a day, maybe it is time for someone to write a cross-cultural etiquette book to help us understand one another a little better.

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