by Kathy Hietala

Created on: May 11, 2008

The key element to remember about holiday decorating with a special needs child is "simple, simple, simple". Special needs children are very sensitive to any type of change. Not only are the sensitive to the physical change of decorations, but also to the change in attitudes and stress levels associated with the holidays. From Halloween until after the first of the New Year, I cannot take my daughter in any stores. Not only does she pick up on the stress levels of the store and customers, but also the change in the appearance of the store through the holiday decorations.

When decorating at home, follow the Frank Lloyd Wright principal of "less is more". Start out with the bare minimum of decorations and add very slowly. Your child will let you know when you have hit their threshold. Then remove one or two decorations, and wait to see if that is a level he/she can handle. As your child learns to tolerate the holidays, you may be able to add more decorations. You true indicator will be your child. You will recognize their behaviors that will tell you that they have had enough.

Additionally, establishing routines for the holidays will make it easier for your child to tolerate decorations. They way your chose to start displaying the decorations can be just as important as how many decorations your chose to display. Involving your child in the decorating process will also allow them time to process the changes and find their own internal coping strategies. In my home, I have found that quiet and slow work really well and that I am able to decorate a little more than if I had experienced stress as I was decorating. Constantly modeling a calm and peaceful attitude has always helped my child either remain calm or make it easier for her to calm down once she has erupted into the lovely volcano I call my daughter.

As you have come to know, a home with a special needs child is very different from the homes of typical children. We have to do things very differently and often very scaled back compared to others. While I at one time missed the Norman Rockwell Holidays, I have come to appreciate the things in life that are really important. I have to come to appreciate my family. I no longer look to things or decorations to define my holidays. My holidays are now defined by smiles and giggles and not Studio 56 villages. My other children have grown in acceptance of others. I know that even though my home looks different for the holidays, my focus has shifted from appearance to truly making sure my children are happy and not just appear to be so.

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