by Audra Sonata

Created on: May 11, 2008

I began living with the affects of MS long before it was actually diagnosed. As I understand it, that's not so unusual. It began with the loss of vision in my left eye. Optomalogists and neurologists both had a hard time figuring out what had happened. The eye itself was fine. All they knew for certain was the vision was gone.

Shortly after that, other signs and symptoms started cropping up. I noticed it became harder and harder to concentrate. I began having migraines. I was often fatigued. My balance was often less than optimal, and I sort of "spaced off" more and more often. I started feeling a painful, tingling tightening in my chest.

I admit it. I'm not always very bright. I made excused for most of them and avoided the doctors like the plague. I chalked it up to stress, lack of sleep, and improper diet. I was working two jobs, going to school full time, and trying hard to raise my family. I didn't want to think it could be anything more than that. I couldn't afford it. I didn't think my family could, either. I thought that if I just held on and finished my degree I could slow down and things would be fine.

I was wrong.

Three years ago, I lost the vision in my right eye. I was now completely blind. I began to weaken beyond any hope of ignoring it. I suffered depression and anxiety. I started having acute seizures. I lost my job. I was forced to drop out of school in my senior year. My illness began to hurt my family, my children, as much as it was hurting me. I was forced to leave home to protect them.

I almost lost everything.

I went into a major tailspin. Even then, the doctor I saw stopped short of actually diagnosing "Multiple Sclerosis". While there was an area on the MRI that could indicate it, it wasn't conclusive, and not all of my signs and symptoms fit consistently. At least that's what I was told. What I've found since is that they rarely do. MS is different from person to person. The doctor prescribed medications to alleviate the symptoms, but could do little else. The problem was, the side effects from most of the drugs were as hard to manage as the symptoms themselves. Soon I was taking drugs to counteract drugs. I was a mess, and there was no end in sight.

Last year, in another state, another world, my condition was finally diagnosed. The doctor I saw there tried beta interferon and other standard treatments, but they didn't do much to help. That's not unusual, from what he told me. They help in less than 40% of the cases. Then he decided to try

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