by Kathleen Lenore Arnason

Created on: May 10, 2008

Absolutely no crying is allowed in my family, it is not to be ignored.

Whether the child is 24 hours old or 24 years, the act of crying is a signal to other family members, hopefully human beings, that something is wrong.

Hunger, fear, cold, too hot, sore teeth, tummy pressure, ears, any aches or pains of the body or mind, the need to be held for no particular reason, etc. These needs do not change in any discernible way from the age of birth to death. When a 10 day old baby cries at the top of it's lungs, it is not practicing breathing, it is not spoiled, it is not simply crying itself to sleep. It needs us. It needs to be picked up, held, sucking, preferably on a warm full breast, but never ignored.

I am 48, female, university AND college educated. If I were to be crying within the vicinity of anyone who cares about me at all, as in family or friends, I would benefit from being attended to. Held, hugged, kissed, fed, talked to, asked what I need, etc.

If I were in a room with people who heard me cry, were able to respond, but chose not to, I would suffer from neglect, self esteem crash, desperation, fear and hopelessness. It would not matter that I had only been breathing on this earth for 3 days, or 30, or 300, or 30 years. "If I heard or understood the meaning of such statements as "'Don't spoil her.', let her cry, it's good for her', she needs to learn she can't always have what she wants'".

You know what? I am going to learn all that stuff soon enough, I do NOT need to learn it at 3 weeks or months old. At that desperately dependent and needful age, I need to be held, fed, talked to, soothed and fed again. Rocked, swung, patted.

Do you have any idea how scary this world is when no one cares? Now imagine that when you can't even get up and leave to get what you want. A quadriplegic deaf mute blind starving baby. Yeah.

Let me cry? WHY?

I have raised 3 children with this philosophy. No crying was allowed by me or anyone in care of my babies. They were fed, maybe overfed, but none of them are fat and they all smile a lot now, so that is the reward for the early sacrifice. My motto as a mother/feed-cow was "when in doubt, feed". Hahaha! It worked wonderfully. I rarely had any crying babies lying around, in fact they spent most of their time growing and learning and becoming very smart kids and then adults, as was my evil plan in the first place.

To this day, when I hear a baby cry, whether on t.v., in my apartment building or on the street, I stop and look and have a craving to pick up, feed, rock and comfort the wee soul. It's the job of all mothers, fathers and humans in the care of the tiny.

Human need is need. It does not diminish at the whim of those who choose to ignore it, or explain it away. Yes, it takes more energy to pay attention to the baby every minute of every day, week, month until it can suck on it's hands and give us a break. But until that time, there is no rest for the good, the caring the mature, responsible parents and relatives and even friends of babies. Pick it up! Crying is not okay! Think about the last time you were crying and how you felt! Dummy!

Use empathy, and do what your inner child would do. No crying is okay, until your first boyfriend, then it's inevitable...

K.

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