by Dart Humeston

Created on: May 09, 2008   Last Updated: May 10, 2008

Men and women's brains process data totally different. This often causes miscommunication between a husband and a wife. Women have brains that float information, feelings, hints and thoughts around like extra coffee grinds in a cup of Joe. Their brains are very complex and holistic. Men's brains on the other hand, while primitive, are finely tuned sophisticated instruments that process input very carefully, seeking direct requests or the possibility for sex. For instance:

EXAMPLE ONE:

What she says: You think you might take the garbage out?

What she means: Take the freaking garbage out!

What he hears: "Might". That's a possibility. Like, the Dolphins "might" win more than three games next year. But it isn't likely. Scan for sex possibility. Prospects fair.

What happens: The man doesn't get sex, and doesn't know why. Dolphins draft another quarterback.

EXAMPLE TWO:

What she says: The kitchen sink is clogged.

What she means: Get off your ass and unclog the kitchen sink!

What he hears: Information input. Scanned for orders, requests or possible sex. Nothing found. Ignore.

What happens: The man doesn't get sex, and doesn't know why. Dolphins draft another quarterback.

EXAMPLE THREE:

What she says: The color of the kitchen wall seems slightly faded.

What she means: I want to completely remodel the kitchen, upgrading all appliances, install a granite counter top, knocking out the west west wall and extending it five feet.

What he hears: Faded. Upgrade from 60 watt to 100 watt light bulbs. Scan for sex possibility. Prospects good after improved lighting.

What happens: Man doesn't get sex, and doesn't know why. Dolphins draft another quarterback.

As you can see, with our brains processing data totally different, it is almost impossible for the man to ever get sex, or the Dolphins to make it back to the playoffs. However, there is hope. Since the woman's brain is a relatively later development in the evolution of the race, they have far more capability for change than the primitive brain that men possess. Thus, it is up to the female gender with the superior brain to adjust their communication methods. For instance:

What she says: Take the garbage out and you might get sex tonight.

What she means: Take the freaking garbage out!

What he hears: Scan for..Red Alert! Red Alert! Sex! Where's the garbage, gotta take it out, NOW!

What happens: Man takes the garbage out, cleans garbage pail, replaces garbage bag before woman is finished talking. Women informs man she said "might" get sex, as in the Dolphins might win more than three games this season. Man goes back to what he was doing. Dolphins draft another quarterback.

You see how easy it is gals? Wait a minutemy wife just said something..processing input..scanning for sex possibility..gotta go folks!

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