Domestic violence in any manner gay or straight is abominable. In the gay community domestic violence has long been a dirty little secret that was swept under the rug and kept from the light of the day. Lately as homosexuality is becoming better understood and more accepted in society the truth about gay domestic violence has been coming out of the closet and the facts concerning it often shock and shatter many long held myths accepted as truth.

Domestic violence as defined is not just physical abuse, but mental/emotional. financial, or any combination of these components. It further is not limited to persons physically residing together but rather people that are or have dated or been intimate with each other which has led to the use of the term "Intimate partner violence" to more accurately describe the phenomena. Ultimately what must be remembered is that domestic violence is about power and control.

For decades people have long accepted one of two myths at varying extremes, one being there is no such thing as gay domestic violence or that is running rampant in all gay relationships. As usual extremist views either way are wrong. The fact is that gay domestic violence does exist but in no statistically meaningful margin greater or lesser than the straight community. Even among gays for many years the issue of domestic violence was a taboo issue. Many times a person whom appeared physically battered was often told to keep their mouth shut so as not to give the wrong image of the gay community. At times people were told that it wasn't really violence or rape in some case but rough foreplay or sex. Others remain silent because quite simply men are generally not supposed to be the victims of domestic abuse. While a wholly untrue belief, many generations were raised believing that. Others fear the stigma attached to being a victim or simply hope by not talking about it the problem will go away. The universal thread has always been to keep it quiet.

It wasn't until the last several years that we have seen shelters for battered men appearing in larger cities, primarily those with a large gay population. For many victims of domestic violence this has been life saving as it provided the opportunity to escape an abusive relationship rather than suffer through it because they simply had nowhere to turn. In the past and regretfully still in the present in some cases the police turned a blind eye to gay domestic violence either believing it was just

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