I was in, or at, a Wal*Mart store the other week, when a strange lady rode a broom through the store, like one of those hobby horses. She had a cowboy hat on and a sheriff's badge. She was singing the Wizard of Oz theme tune and slapping her right thigh at the same time. This is a true story by the way, I couldn't make this one up.
Anyway, within minutes three very large policemen arrived, accompanied by a very small police woman. I should have said four policemen, because it would have been more politically correct, but with less character. However, they wouldn't have all been large.
Needless to say, the four policemen hauled the strange lady away. Later, I saw her cowboy hat sitting on top of a pallet of pistachio nuts near the frozen pizza aisle. I wondered which bag she had sampled?
I have often stood at the entrance of a Wal*Mart Super Store waiting for transportation to arrive. I've even asked the person that stands at the entrance and greets. "Excuse me." I'd say. "Do you know when the next non stop to the garden department will be here?" But they just stand there with that same smile, like the one on the sticker they give you when you're leaving.
I have often been tempted to buy myself one of those pedometers. They sell them somewhere near the exercise equipment. Trouble is, by the time I would get it over to the cash register, I'd want to trade it in for a new one.
I like to go bird watching in Wal*Mart. There are sometimes some rare species nesting in the iron girders twenty feet up. I thought I saw an osprey the other day, but it turned out to be a blimp that had gone astray.
I went to my doctor the other day for my annual check up. He asked me if I exercised regularly. I explained that I shop at Wal*Mart and he immediately grinned and changed the subject.
It is funny how the fast food restaurants at Wal*Mart are so close to the bathrooms. When ever I get constipated, I simply eat a cheese burger with fries. I don't have very far to run, hopefully there's no waiting.
Whenever I go to Wal*Mart, I pack a lunch and take the family. There's so many things to do there, especially as it takes all day to get from the vacuum aisle to the pharmacy. Sometimes I have to back track to the kitty litter aisle because I forgot fluffy's friskies and by the time I find my wife and children, it is time for dinner. Thank god for the kite string that I tied to my leg, or we'd still be there.
One time, I saw a bunch of Wal*Mart employees chasing a mouse around in circles. It dawned on me that I was in the shoo department.
Another time, I thought I had walked onto the set of the remake of Zulu. I heard chanting in the back ground and as I awaited the throwing of the first spear, I realized that management was holding one of their daily meetings.
I parked my trailer home at Wal*Mart for a month last year. When it was wash day, I'd hang my clothes out to dry. I was surprised when people wanted to buy my underwear. I almost put the store out of business.
I lost my mother at Wal*Mart a few months ago. I think she works there now? Unfortunately, I don't think I will ever recognize her again, as she's probably got one of those happy smiley looks. Maybe you've seen her? She's the one wearing a blue jacket...... Never mind.
I test drove a riding lawn mower at Wal*Mart once. Within minutes, there were hundreds of people standing around me, shouting and cheering for Carl Edwards.
I bought a 72 inch television set at Wal*Mart, just in time for the Super Bowl. After paying for it and getting it hauled on a fork lift to my Ford Focus, hatchback, I decided to remove it from it's box, in the hope it might fit better between the dog food and the fishing gear.
Well, after making my wife and kids wait in the parking lot until I returned, I sort of got immersed in the television at home and forgot all about them. After the game had finished, I returned to the parking lot and to my pleasant surprise, my wife and three kids had set up home in the empty television box and didn't want to return.
Wal*Mart is a fun place to visit and shop. Better than any circus or amusement park this side of New Jersey. There are many bargains to be had and so many characters to meet.
In my state, Wal*Mart are not permitted to sell beer. Shame, it would be a one stop shop for me. Imagine if Wal*Mart brewed their own beer? Wow! Wal*Weiser.