I lost my son in the Iraq War on my birthday, June 23, 2007. Six months later a friend from our small town of Lee, Maine lost her son in the war. Nothing in life hurts as much as losing a child and nothing helps as much as hearing from other mothers who have survived this tragedy. I hope I can help someone else with these few personal thoughts:

Dear family:

I know that in this moment how insignificant well wishes and words seem. The cards, the food, the heart-felt offers to do something, anything, for your family, and yet it all doesn't quite add up. The only thing you want people to do, they can't do. The only thing you want to hear is Blair's "Hey, I'm home safe!" I am so sorry, Bill, Quie, Betsy, Hillary, Cho, Gramma and Grampa. I am so sorry.

I wish I could be there with you to do something, anything. I wish I could say or do something to take away your pain. Having just passed the 5th month anniversary since my son Sgt. Joel A. House was killed by an IED in Taji, Iraq, I hope to offer some gliimmer of hope that you can get through this tragic time and, that while I haven't found that the pain, emptiness, or shock ever disappears, I would like to share with you some thoughts that (sometimes) help me:

Alllow yourself to grieve. Burying a local, state, indeed, national hero will be taxing on your already fragile psyches. The military, the decisions, the press, the anti-war Bush-bashers, the politicians, the phone calls, the hundreds of thank you cards to write can stress you out with their day after day demands. I know you have to put on a strong face to honor the sacrifice your son made, but you are Blair's family and you miss him so much and every time you find yourself in a family place without him, the reality of loss overwhelms you. Everyone really wants to help, so let them take some of the tasks off your hands and you go spend some time with your memories and Blair whether that be in the woods, in your family photo albums, or a Lee Academy basketball game.

You're allowed to be crazy or sick or sad. Your feelings are your feelings, so don't worry about what everyone else thinks. I remember once I was at the drive-thru at the Hogan Road McDonald's in Bangor. When I looked up, I saw the Armed Forces Recruiting Center looming in the background. I had to spend some time there. I regretted never having spent time with Joel when he was being recruited. I needed to see this aspect of the military-where it all began. I parked my car in

• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• 5
• next page >>

---

Add your voice

Know something about How to offer support to those who face the death of a child?
We want to hear your view. Write now!