by Katemouse

Created on: May 08, 2008

My second son Mark died in my arms at the age of nine months and I was able to say goodbye, but my eldest son Sean, was stabbed to death in a domestic dispute and I was not informed until four days later. He and his wife, son and twin daughters lived in Huonville Tasmania, it was not what you could call a happy marriage, nor should it have ever happened, she met him through me, so there are times when I feel oh so responsible , but I have to tell myself it was their lives and their decision. They married in Norwich in England, though Sean was brought up in New Zealand, he always had a yearning to go to England, he got there at the age of twenty four. I went over for a holiday and whilst there became very ill, I stayed with Rachel and her son, by her first marriage, she sent for Sean as the Dr was concerned about me, and when they met his life in Cornwall ended, Rachel literally took over.

They lived together for several years, married, then went on to Tasmania, where we met up with them again.

Things turned sour with Rachel and so, as well as the cold getting to us, we left. Sean was in the regular Army waiting to go to East Timor, when he was discovered to have cancer of the liver, he was sent home and put onto Chemo, his wife was a theater sister in the Hobart hospital, but it appears she did not give him the help he needed, Sean drank his beer and became aggressive, the stepson that he had brought up since the age of six, was also in the army and his mother sent for him to come back from Europe, within days of his arriving home, Sean was dead, he was 39, my first born baby, gone and I was not allowed to the funeral, my ex husband and daughter made sure of that, they buried him on my 60th Birthday. The devastation for me and my mother and husband was just dreadful and I was a zombie for months. I never got to say goodbye, but the day he was buried, hubby insisted I go to the church fair and while there I got some tickets, much against my will, for spin the wheel, on the table was a beautiful picture of a little girl with a baby unicorn and two unicorns dancing in the background by a stream, doves playing in the sunbeams and I loved it, I had asked the man how much and he said it was a prize in the wheel, so I walked away, now here I am telling the whole truth, I heard Sean's voice say "Get a couple of tickets mum" I was still in shock from his death, I stood stock still and I heard him again, so I turned around and bought a ticket. Hubby had sat down at the table with a plate of chips, I could not eat, so I just sat there, then I heard voices and the man at the wheel was calling out ticket 27, I just sat there, when someone saw my ticket and yelled here it is, I stood up and went over to the wheel and he said take what every you like, I just stood looking at him, I never win anything, ever, "Go on" he said, "Your picture is still there" I turned around and there it was, I walked over and picked it up holding it to me..................out of the noise, everything went still and I heard Sean say "Happy Birthday mum, I love you"

I now know that there is life after death, I know he looks out for me and I am happy with that, but the thought of never seeing him again, wracks me still, I console myself with the fact that I have two angels watching out for me

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