You say that you cannot make a decision. I beg to differ. Not making a decision is a decision - a decision to relinquish your power. Seeking advice, weighing the pros and cons, comparing and contrasting the myriad of options, or examining your needs sufficiently arms you to make decisions. Relinquishing your responsibility of making personal choices is analogous to taking a pass on life and sitting on the sidelines of your existence.

We all are responsible for the choices we make. Some call it free will; others call it freedom. I call it being an adult. Making decisions and accepting the outcome - even if the results are mistakes - foster growth and maturity. The beauty of a mistake is in the learning. Therefore, the 'what might happen' should not stymie you from being an active participant in making your own decisions.

Surrendering decision making to others is taking the easy way out. You can conveniently lay blame on others for a deficient outcome; or proudly accept the glory if the decision others make on your behalf is successful. The often-quoted phrase with many variations amplifies my thesis: 'Success has a thousand fathers, but failure is an orphan'. In other words, when the decision is positive, the 'relinquisher' can take pride in a correct resolution. But, if the outcome falls short, the 'relinguisher' claims not to have contributed to the results.

Being self-aware helps you in the decision-making process. My hero Eleanor Roosevelt, the First Lady of the United States from 1933-45 once spoke of making a decision upon learning of her husband's affairs:
Somewhere along the line, we discover what we really are,
and then we make our decisions, for which we are responsible.
Make those decisions primarily for yourself
because you can never really live anyone else's life,
not even your own child's. The influence you exert is through your own life and what you become yourself.

I appreciate that making decisions is difficult - I have the war wounds to prove it. But, I also understand the difficulty in decision making especially for those who are obsessed with receiving the stamp of approval, affirmation, recognition, and acceptance of others. However, we are individuals, with different purposes, needs, and goals. Therefore, when you place decisions for your life in the hands of others, you put yourself in the position of enduring the outcome of their decisions. Keep in mind that what is best for someone else may not be what is best for you.

Indecision is paralyzing. As an adult, you are responsible for 'you' and your decisions. Be an active participant in your life. And, if necessary, always have a Plan B.

Don't think too much. Don't make a decision to make others happy. Don't be afraid to make a mistake. Don't play it safe. Don't lose your independence. And, when all else fails, trust your instinct. Intuition is an amazing gift.

Take responsibility for your life. You only have one.

Learn more about this author, Va Lynda Robinson.
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