by Maryann Macleod

Created on: May 07, 2008   Last Updated: May 08, 2008

When you first started taking me out at night for talks in your car by the pier you had feelings for my friend. You knew you couldn't be with her because she was with someone else but that didn't stop you caring about her. I was your confidante, you told me everything and as I listened to all your problems, your stories and your hopes for the future I began to realize that no matter how much I tried to ignore it I had feelings for you. I admired your strength, your determination and most of all the way you seemed to really listen to me rather than waiting for your turn to speak, a quality which is so rare amongst people our age or any age for that matter. I began to notice small things; the way your smile always reached your eyes, the way you paused and tilted your head before saying something important and the way you drummed your fingers on the steering wheel in time to whatever pipe tune was playing in your head when we had nothing to say to each other. I learned more from those comfortable silences than I ever did from listening to you speak. And when you did speak you spoke slowly, every word sounding deliberate and purposeful even when only making meaningless passing comments. You looked straight into my eyes and could always tell when I was upset and although I am an extremely private person I found I could trust you and talk to you. After knowing you for only a year I felt as though I had always known you and in that short amount of time we had shared a lifetime. All these things and more which cannot be described on paper. All these things I came to love about you. All these things I'll never say.

I felt I could tell you everything and anything, anything but this. We became so close and I was so scared of losing you. Making decisions was never my strong point , I couldn't decide if I wanted to risk losing you completely for the chance of something more or keep the friendship we had, so I kept my secret. My friends constantly asked if I like you, they told me they could see it in my eyes when I looked at you and hear it in my voice when I spoke to you but I denied it. And they believed me because I am an excellent liar, which is why I would like to believe that you didn't know how I felt and you didn't realize you were hurting me. I'd like to believe it. I desperately want to but I don't know if I do.

Thinking back on the way you talked to me, it seemed as though you trusted me completely and I felt like I knew everything about you. Everything including

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