Not being someone who concerns themselves particularly with the opinions of other people (and in more detail, their opinions of me) this week has been more than a little bit surprising. Being told that I am not a particularly 'girly' person is one thing, but not necessarily something that is a negative. If it means that you are independent, determined and more than capable of looking after yourself then it seems it can only be a good thing. The other opinion however is one that is less clear. Yesterday I was told by a good friend that sometimes I tend to come across as too independent to need someone else. If someone appears completely self sufficient and more than capable of looking after themselves, then why would they need someone else to do it for them?

It's strange because I would have thought that being needy and demanding would have been a repellent for men rather than something that would be considered attractive. Maybe having someone who needs help or support makes them feel valued. If your partner is able to manage alone, it could suggest that they could manage perfectly well without your help and so you yourself become redundant. Better perhaps to become involved with someone who makes you feel important and needed than someone who does not.
The problem is what if that impression may be incorrect? That person who appears so confident and self assured may in truth be very nervous and vulnerable. Whether their behaviour is a way of covering up their genuine characteristics, or an effort to prevent emotional hurt, the overall result may well be that person spends a great deal of time alone. Even if you do not want this to be the case, it can be very hard to change and be yourself. What you know is comforting,whereas the unknown can be something quite the opposite. Then again the familiar may not be the right choice. Whether it is the job you stay in out of habit, the social places you always seem to end up frequenting or the choice to date someone purely because you can rather than taking a chance with the person who you really like, all that can do is ultimately hold you back.

So I wonder. Is it best to remain independent and as I am now, even if it scares people off? Maybe that means at least I am not changing for others. Then again,if behaving this way makes people wary it could require some refinement. Maybe the best option is to be open and honest with people who you feel that you can trust. Then gradually it should become easier to do the same with people with whom you are less familiar. Ok so it may not be easy to do, but hard work is surely better than missing out.

Learn more about this author, Amanda Blake.
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